All right, all right. We're back. I am Luke, and this is Luke at the Roost. It's your late-night call-in radio show where you can call in and tell me about what's going on in your life, and I'll give you the very best advice that money can buy. If you'd like to give us a call, the number is 208-439-58-53. That's 208-439 Luke. If you're not near a phone or you don't want to let somebody know that you're telling all your deepest.
darkest secrets to a late night radio show host, you can send us an email anytime to submissions at Luke at the roost.com. Tonight is Friday, March 6th, and our phone lines are already lighting up, and we're going to go to our pal Murray. Murray, thanks for calling in. How can we help you tonight, sir? Well, shoot, Luke. Hey man, good to be back. So listen, I had that meeting with the crew like we talked about last week, right? I sat everybody down, Danny included. I
with all the new protocols. I explained why we needed them. I asked for their input on how to make things work better. Real vulnerable, real honest. All right, good for you. And how did that work out? It worked out great for about four days. Danny showed up on time. The guys were cracking jokes again. We landed this residential job over in Scottsdale that's going to keep us busy through summer. I'm thinking, okay, we turned a corner here. This is exactly what we needed. Then yesterday, Danny just doesn't show up.
Okay, and are you concerned about Danny? Is that like him? It doesn't sound like Danny was upset with you or anything. Did something happen to him? Is he sick? Have you talked to him since? That's the thing, Luke. I called him six times yesterday. Nothing. I'm thinking maybe he's in the hospital. Maybe something happened with his family. You know? So I drive over to his place last night after we wrap up. And his truck is in the driveway. Lights are on.
Okay, so he's home, or we assume he's home. Did you knock on the door or anything? I mean, he could have had a heart attack in there. I knocked. Yeah, I knocked for like five minutes. Finally, his girlfriend, Sheila, comes to the door, and she's got this look on her face like she doesn't want to be having this conversation. She tells me Danny's fine. He's just not feeling up to working right now. I'm like, what does that mean? Is he sick? And she goes, no. He's just taking some time to think about whether he wants to keep doing this.
You can't have that, right? If he doesn't want to work for you, that's fine. He doesn't have to work for you. I think this is an at-will employment state. And you can't have somebody just not showing up for work. So if you've got a can-danny, you've got a can-danny, whether he's your friend or not. You can't have him messing up the morale of the rest of your crew.
only did that meeting because you called me out on your show, that I didn't actually mean any of it, that it was all just damage control because I got embarrassed on the radio. Yeah, that's not true, though, is it? Because I think that came from an authentic place from you. You want to do a good job and you want to enjoy your work with your people. So it sounds like maybe Danny's just a little bit confused and, you know, he doesn't want to work for you. And that's okay. Just let him go. Well, shoot, Luke, that's the thing that's eating me up.
Part of me wonders if he's right. Like, would I have had that meeting if I hadn't called you? I was so dug in on firing him. And then I get on the air with you and suddenly on this enlightened boss who wants everybody's input. Well, I mean, you should really probably split the difference there. You called me because you were conflicted about the situation. You weren't hell-bent on firing Danny or you wouldn't have called and asked about it, right? So some part of you was looking for guidance and you were unsure.
you in one direction or another, that's fine. That doesn't mean it's not authentic, right? Because you came looking for advice. You didn't just fly off the seedy your pants. Is that, is that what is, is that the saying? The seat of your pants? Doesn't make much sense. Yeah, you're right. I did call you because I was torn up about it. It's one of those things where I knew firing him was the business decision, but it felt wrong in my gut, and I needed somebody to help me figure out which one to listen to.
did feel right when we had it. The guys opened up, we talked through the protocols, Danny even admitted he'd been taking some stuff personally that wasn't meant that way. Yeah, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I mean, you've got to get rid of Danny. If he's not going to show up, if he's not going to be reliable, then you can't have that person on your crew, right? But I don't think you've done anything wrong with addressing the rest of the team the way that you have. And it sounds like once you get rid of Danny, he's spiraling in negativity.
right now and he's going to bring everybody else down. So get rid of Danny. He's not fulfilling his end of the employment agreement, right? So once he's gone, just continue being yourself. Be authentic. Be kind. But you are the boss and you have to, if somebody's not pulling their way, you've got to get rid of him. You know what, Luke? You're right. I've been so worried about whether I'm being genuine or not that I'm letting him hold the whole operation hostage. He's not showing up.
He's bad-mouthing me to the crew, and now he's playing victim like I'm the one who wronged him. I can't keep bending over backwards for somebody who won't even pick up the phone when I call. It's one of those things where I wanted so badly for that meeting to fix everything. But you can't fix somebody who doesn't want to be fixed, right? That's right, and it sounds like you sort of fixed yourself. You fixed your own attitude about it, and I think that the crew will recognize that you mean it. You're being authentic with them.
He doesn't want to accept that, but you can't keep going back and forth with him because everybody will see that and then, you know, they'll all fall in line with Danny and start not showing up for work and stuff. And you can't have that. So you've done everything you could. You tried to be a good employer and a good friend to Danny. And if he doesn't want to accept that, that's fine. Just let him go and he'll have to find somebody else to work for. And keep trying to be authentic with the rest of your crew. And they will see that you let Danny go.
and they'll understand that this is a business. We're friends, but this is also a business. And you're the boss and you've got to come to work. Yeah, Luke, I needed to hear that. I've been so stuck on trying to save this friendship, but I forgot I've got eight other guys counting on me to keep this thing running. Vince has been breathing down my neck about the next contract. And I can't go to him and say, well, my best friend might come back to work when he feels like it. That's not how you run a company. I'm going to call Danny tomorrow morning, tell him,
I need an answer by Monday, whether he's in or out, and if he's out. That's his choice. I tried. I really did. Yeah, nobody could expect any more from you, right? I mean, even the fact that you're giving him one more chance is pretty generous on your part. So if he doesn't want to play ball, then that's okay. You don't have to have him playing ball. It seems like he's just going to be a pain in the ass and pull the rest of the crew down for as long as he's there. And that's all right. You've done your part. You tried your hardest, and you gave him.
chances, and that's all that could be expected of you. You're absolutely right, Luke. I appreciate you letting me call back in. I was spiraling on this all week, thinking maybe I was being fake or whatever Danny's saying, but I know what I felt in that meeting. I know I meant it. Yeah, I believe that you meant it too. And, you know, the crew knows it too. So you're doing the right thing. You can sleep well. You've given everybody a chance. You're trying to make the workplace a good place to be and be a good employer,
can do. So keep it up and things will turn around. And I'm proud of you. I'm very proud of you, buddy. Next up we've got Angie. Angie, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life tonight? My mom's dying and she wants me to have dinner with my brother tomorrow for her birthday. But I haven't talked to him in two years and I'm sitting here at the laundry mat trying to figure out if I'm being principled or just an asshole. I think if your mom's dying and that's her dying wish and you're even considering whether or not you should honor it.
I think you're being an asshole. Yeah, you should go have dinner with your mom and your brother. Yeah, that's what I figured you'd say. And you're probably right. But here's the thing. My brother spent the last two years posting stuff about how people like my best friend shouldn't be allowed to use public bathrooms. He showed up to Thanksgiving 2022, wearing a shirt that said, let's go, Brandon. And when my mom asked him to change it, he told her she raised him to stand up for what he believes in. It doesn't meant.
It's not about him and you or anybody's views. This is a dinner about your mom. So you can put that stuff aside for one dinner. It's not really a big deal. And then if you don't want to talk to your brother after that, that's fine. You're right that it's about my mom. But the reason I stopped talking to Derek in the first place was because of something he said about my mom. He told her that her cancer was probably God's way of getting her attention because she voted for Biden. He said that
It doesn't matter what he said or what he didn't say or what he did. If that's your mom's wish, I mean, yeah, he sounds like a real douchebag, but you can deal with it for a couple of hours to have dinner to satisfy your mom. That's all she wants in the world is to have dinner with her kids and you're her kids, so you can give her that. And just bite your tongue and get through it and it'll be fine. And that's the right thing to do for your mom. I know you're right. I called my mom back about.
an hour ago and told her I'd come. I'm driving up tomorrow morning. The thing I can't figure out is what happens when we're sitting there and Derek says something. Because he will. Yeah, well, you know, you can bite your tongue for a little while. It's just one dinner and you can make it through no matter what he says, no matter what he does, don't turn it into a fight because that's probably what he's looking for. And it's just going to make your mom's last days more miserable. So do it for
Bite your tongue, let him spout off whatever bullshit he has to spout off. And then, you know, if you don't want to talk to him after that, that's fine. The last time I bit my tongue around Derek was at that Thanksgiving. I sat there for three hours while he talked about election fraud and crisis actors. And I didn't say anything because my mom kept looking at me with these pleading eyes. Then, on the drive home, I had to pull over on the side of the highway because I was shaking so hard I couldn't see straight. That was before she got sick. Now, there's maybe...
six weeks left and I'm supposed to do it again except this time it matters more and I have less room to fuck it up. Yeah, just remember that your mom loves you both, no matter what either of you says or does, and this is about her and not you. And if he has to spout off, that's okay. Just let it go by you. Don't pay him any tension because attention's what he's looking for. You're right. I know you're right. The hospice nurse told my mom yesterday that she should start thinking about what she wants to say to people.
final conversations. And my mom said all she wants is to see her kids eat cake together. That's it. Not some big reconciliation or apologies or anything. Just cake. Yeah, I think you can handle eating cake with anybody, even a douchebag. So just do it for your mom and then get out of there as soon as you can. That's all. Yeah, I can eat cake with a douchebag for my mom. I'm going to stop at the grocery store on the way up and get her those candles that relight themselves when you blow
them out. She used to think those were the funniest thing in the world when we were kids. Thanks, Luke. You're welcome, and I'm sorry to hear about your mom. And I hope you get through the dinner okay without any explosions or catastrophes. And then you don't have to deal with it again after that. Next up, we've got Lamar. Lamar, thanks for calling the show. What's going on tonight, buddy? Hey, Luke. Yeah. So I told my girlfriend my biggest fantasy tonight, and she went completely silent
like 10 seconds and then just said she needed to think and hung up. I am honestly not even kidding when I say I might have just ended a six-month relationship because I was stupid enough to be honest when she asked me what I really wanted. Yeah, I've been in that position before too. I'm pretty sure it blew up my marriage. So sometimes you can't, you can't be that honest with people or it doesn't go well. What was the fantasy? Are you okay with telling us what you asked for on the air? Yeah, I mean, it's not like it's illegal or
anything, it's just the latex thing. Like I'm into latex, the whole outfit, the look, all of it. And she asked me point blank what my biggest fantasy was, and I have been driving four hours each way to Tucson every other weekend for six months. So I figured we were at the point where I could actually tell her the truth. Yeah, that seems like an odd thing for her to hang up on you for. Laytex isn't, out of all the fetishes and weird shit you could be into, latex is pretty mild, so I'm not sure why she's reacting that way. If she's going to give you a hard time,
that you're into latex? I think maybe she's not the right woman for you. That is exactly what I keep telling myself. But honestly, the silence is what is killing me. Like if she had laughed or said no way or even gotten mad, I could deal with that. But she just went quiet and I could hear the wind rattling her window. And then she said she needed to think. And that was it. And now I am sitting here in the break room at work on a Friday night that should be dead easy. And I keep checking my phone like an idiot. I have been so careful about this for years, Luke.
do not tell people. Well, you should be able to tell people, especially the person that you're with, what you're into. I think, I don't know. I've never been a woman, so I don't know how they think. But my guess is from just previous relationships that when you share fantasies and stuff like that, what they really want to hear is you're my fantasy. Everything about you is my fantasy. Whatever it is that you do, that's my fantasy. And if you deviate from that, it's a problem.
That makes a lot of sense because she has asked me this question twice before and both times I deflected or made it about her and this time I actually answered it. Like she specifically said she wanted to know the real thing, not just the safe answer and I believed her. But maybe that was a test I just failed. The thing is, I am tired of hiding it, Luke. I ran into this guy Danny Vasquez at the Walmart in Deming last month. Someone I knew from way back and he saw me buying something and I could tell he clocked what it was for and I felt like I was going to
throw up right there in the checkout line. Nah, you don't have to be embarrassed about that kind of stuff, man. I mean, everybody's into some weird shit, and that's just a part of the human experience. Being able to talk to people about that or live with it confidently is part of what confidence is, right? That's a part of you. Wherever it came from, it doesn't really matter. It's not hurting anybody. It's not difficult to fulfill. If you like latex, you like latex, and there's nothing wrong with that. Unless, you know,
maybe she's allergic to latex, then I could see an issue. But even then, you should be able to talk about it and come up with some sort of alternative. I mean, there are alternatives to latex that have the same characteristics. Yeah, she is not allergic, at least not that she has ever mentioned. And I appreciate you saying that, because I have been treating this like it is some shameful secret for eight years now, just keeping it separate from everything else. I have got a whole set up at home that nobody knows about. I do not bring anyone over. And the one time I tried to meet
someone online who was into the same thing it felt so fake and transactional that I never did it again. So when I met her and things were actually good, like really good, I thought maybe this could be the person I could actually be myself with. But now I am thinking maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and kept driving to Tucson and kept pretending that vanilla is all I need. No, I don't think so. I think you did the right thing and you should be able to be honest with your partner about what you're into and any fetishes and stuff like that.
something like latex, which is really, I mean, I don't understand why that would bother somebody. I'm not into latex myself, but I know that it's a huge fetish and lots of people are into latex and there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's not that, um, disturbing, I don't think, as on the fetish scale. I mean, I'm into some weird shit and latex wouldn't even make the mark there. So I don't know why she's being all weird about it. But it sounds like,
like you need to find yourself somebody else that you can be yourself with. Because somebody that's going to make you feel bad about who you are and what you want is not the ideal partner. You are probably right, but the problem is, I am 34 years old, and I have been bouncing at the same club for eight years. And I live in a town where everyone knows everyone. And this was the first real relationship I have had in three years. And she is smart, Luke, like she works for one of those non-profits in Tucson, helping homeless people get connected with services.
and she actually laughs at my jokes about reloading brass and gun stuff that most people think is boring as hell. So the idea of just letting this go because I could not keep my mouth shut for one more conversation is eating me alive right now. Maybe I should have just lied. Maybe I should call her back and tell her I was joking or testing her or something. No, I don't think so because it's not one more conversation. That's a part of who you are and what you want and a partner. So this conversation could come up a thousand more times for the rest of your life.
with denying a part of yourself for the rest of your life potentially because it might make somebody look at you weird, then I mean, you can do that, but I don't think that's the way that you should live your life. And I don't think it's a healthy relationship. You are right. God, you are right. And I know you are right, but it does not make it any easier sitting here. The thing is, I heard Angie earlier talking about her brother and the birthday dinner. And I had almost the exact same thing happened with my own family two years ago. My sister wanted me at
was going to be there, the one who makes comments about everything. And I just did not go because I could not deal with pretending to be someone I am not for six hours. And now my sister barely talks to me. So I have already lost people by hiding. And now I might lose someone by being honest. And I do not know which one is worse, Luke. Well, what I have to say about that is you should not hide and you should not be afraid to tell the truth. And you can be confident in yourself, no matter who you are.
No matter who you're around. And if other people don't like that for whatever reason, fuck them. That's all. You don't need them in your life. Surround yourself with people that are going to accept you for who you are, who you feel open enough to discuss what's going on in your head. And if it bothers people and they don't want to be around you, let them go. There's plenty of people out there in this world that will accept you for who you are. And hiding or denying the
those portions of yourself is no way to live. You know what, Luke? I needed to hear that. I really did. Because I have spent so much time worrying about what people think that I forgot there are actually people out there who would not care. And if she cannot handle this one thing about me, then maybe she is not the person I thought she was. Yeah, I mean, maybe talk to her and figure out why she had such a reaction to such a relatively mild thing. And if you can work around it, and if you want to work around it.
Because you might ask her, you know, why she reacted that way and find out that, you know, something happened to her. She was abused by somebody in latex or something and it brought back memories. She doesn't want to deal with. Like, there might be a reason. But probably she just wanted you to say your fantasy was her, not latex. And, you know, maybe if she doesn't like latex or can't wear latex, and that's important to you both talk to her about maybe going to latex club.
that are into latex. So you can meet people that are into the same thing as you, either to play with them or to just be surrounded by people that are like-minded. And if you guys can work that out in a way that works for you both great. And if not, then, you know, find another girlfriend. That's all. That is actually a really good point about asking her why she reacted that way instead of just assuming. I did not even think about that because I was so busy panicking about what I said that I did not
consider what might be going on for her. And honestly, the idea of going to some kind of community thing, even if she is not into it herself but understands that I need it, that would be something. I do not even know if there is anything like that around here, but Tucson is big enough that there might be. I just need to actually have the conversation instead of sitting here in the break room at two in the morning catastrophizing about it. Yeah, and if that conversation is not an adult conversation that you can have with a peer and, you know, be civil and get across what you
want to get across while still remaining true to yourself and what you want, but not pushing it on her, then, I mean, if you can't have that conversation, she's not the right partner. But I would suggest that you check out sites like vetlife.com. They have all sorts of groups for different fetishes and stuff that you might be into. And that's where you're going to find the other people that are in those communities. And you're in Tucson. There's definitely latex people in Tucson. No doubt about it. So if that's the type of thing you're looking for, you can absolutely find it. You know,
fetish festivals that happen usually once a year in the cities. And you can go to those and there will be a latex corner and there will be an electro stem corner and bondage and all those things are pretty widely accepted in the right crowds. Yeah, I have been on FEP Life before. That is actually where I tried to meet someone a few years back and it felt so weird and forced that I gave up on it. But maybe I was approaching it wrong. Maybe I was approaching it wrong. Maybe I was
looking for a relationship when I should have just been looking for community first. And you are right about Tucson. There has got to be something there. I think part of my problem is I have been so isolated with this for so long that I forgot there are actual real people who do not think this is some freakish thing. I have been treating it like some dark secret when really it is just a part of who I am and there are plenty of people who would not bat an eye at it. I appreciate you talking me through this, Luke, because I was about ready to just delete her number and pretend the whole thing never happened.
No, I'd say give it one more chance. Try to talk to her about it, but don't back down and don't pretend that you're somebody else or like play it off like it was a joke. Because it wasn't. It was true. And you're, what did you say, six months in with this girl? Think about, you know, five, 10, 15, 20 years down the road if you still want to be pretending you're somebody else so that she doesn't look at you funny. I don't think that you do. Yeah, check out Fed Life. Not necessarily to find a partner, but just to find other people that are into layt
and you can talk about latex and find shops and go to shows and that sort of shit. I don't think it's that weird. I don't think you have to feel weird. You're perfectly okay. Don't worry about it. Thank you, Luke. Seriously, I am going to call her tomorrow, have the actual conversation instead of just spiraling about it. And I am going to check out FetLife again. But this time, just to find people to talk to, not to try to force some relationship out of it. You are right that I do not want to spend the next 20 years hiding this.
And if she cannot handle it, then at least I will know now instead of 10 years from now when I have wasted even more time. I really appreciate you letting me talk this through. Yeah, man, good luck. Don't feel weird and don't worry about what anybody else thinks of you. Because fuck them all. That's what I say. Fuck them all. And now it's time for a word from our sponsors. All right. I'm going to read this ad exactly as they sent it to me. And I want you to know that I have concerns.
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I read the ad. I didn't endorse it. All right, we're back. And let's see who's next here on the old caller line. We've got Lucille. Lucille, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight? Hey, Luke. So I've got this neighbor, Dennis. And for the past three days, every time I hit my garage door opener, his door opens instead of mine. Started after that transformer blue during the windstorm. At first, it was just weird.
You know, kind of funny even. But this morning, I get home and he's standing in my driveway with his arms crossed, wanting to know why I've been checking his property at odd hours. And the thing is, I work strange hours. Hey, have we talked about this before? Because I remember a similar call not too long ago when the power went out and somebody's garage door opener was opening the wrong door and it was a big problem. I think that that issue has been resolved in most modern garage doors. And they resolved it by using a rotating,
code instead of the standard infrared blaster that they used to have in the 90s. So maybe it's time to upgrade your garage door opener device with one of those rotating codes. And, you know, just explain the situation to them. It's not that big a deal. No, that wasn't me. And yeah, I get that it's probably just the frequency thing. But the problem is I can't really explain my hours to Dennis. Like, I work in bail bonds,
who only surfaces around three in the morning. So I'm coming and going at weird times. And when Dennis is standing there asking me pointed questions about my schedule, I can't exactly say, oh, I'm out hunting down people who jumped bail. That makes it sound worse, you know? So I'm just standing there saying, I can't get into the specifics of my work schedule, which makes me sound guilty as hell. Yeah, that does kind of make you sound guilty, but you don't have to address that conversation with your work schedule. Just tell them, hey, my garage job.
door opener is opening your door. I'm not doing it intentionally, and I'm going to get myself a new garage door opener so that doesn't happen anymore. And that's all. That's the end of the conversation. Explain to him that you're not doing it on purpose. I mean, you can show him right in your driveway if you hit the button in it opens his garage door. And then do your best to get that changed as quickly as possible, and the problem is solved. Yeah, but see, that's where it gets complicated, because I've been using it. Like once I realized his door,
was opening. I started parking in his garage instead of mine when I get back at three in the morning. His garage is closer to my back door and he's got that motion sensor light that doesn't work. So nobody sees me come and go. I've been doing it for three days now. And this morning when he confronted me, I didn't tell him that part. Yeah, well, cut the shit. I mean, don't do that. That's not right. And that does make you seem like a psycho at three in the morning parking in somebody else. What are you thinking? No, don't do that. Parking your own garage.
Or park outside your garage until you can fix your garage door opener. That's the right answer. I know, I know, you're right. It's just, look, I've been doing this job for 12 years and I've gotten real good at finding the path of least resistance, you know? Lease noise, least attention. And his garage was just sitting there, dark, and it felt like the practical solution at the time. Yeah, well, it's not a solution. It's trespassing, and don't do it anymore, and your problem will be solved, right?
And I understand that you're a badass and you hunt down bail bond skips and all that. And that's super cool. But you're not a top secret federal agent and you don't need the cover of darkness. You can come home when it's time to come home and stop making more of it than it really is. You're not wrong. I think maybe I've been in this work too long, where everything becomes about not being noticed. But here's the other thing. And this is what's really bothering me. Dennis has been leaving his garage light on.
and off all night since yesterday. Like flicking it on and off. Yeah, whatever. That's fine for Dennis. It's his light. He can turn it on and off when he wants. Stop parking in his garage and get your garage door opener fixed. That's my advice for you. Do you have anything else to say? Because we're going to move on to the next caller. No, that's it. You're right. I'll get it fixed and stop being weird. Thanks, Luke. No problem. That's my advice for everybody. Stop being weird. Just cut it out with
the being weird shit. Jesus, you people are strange. Everybody that's called so far except Lamar with his latex fetish is a weirdo. Next up, we've got Ricky. Ricky, what's going on? What makes you so weird tonight? Luke? Okay, so I just got out of a youth group, and one of the kids spent 20 minutes trying to convince everyone that vinyl records sound better than digital music. Because they have this magical warp that Spotify can't capture. And I need you to tell me I'm not losing my mind here, because this is complete nonsense.
right? Like, I've been sitting in the church parking lot for an hour reading audio engineering forums on my phone, and I'm about ready to drive back in there and give this kid a physics lesson. It's placebo effect, Luke. It's people convincing themselves they hear something that literally is not there. And honestly, I think it's the same psychology as people who still defend the last season of Game of Thrones. They spent money on the records. They spent money on the turntable. So their brain has to justify it by inventing this warm magical quality that does not exist in objective reality.
exists in objective reality. And we just had a long conversation about this just a couple of days ago. So I recommend that you go back and listen to the previous episodes because I'm not going to take the time to explain it all over again. Do you have another question? Because this one's already been addressed at infinitum. Wait, hold on. You actually think vinyl sounds better? Luke, I'm being serious here. I listened to that episode and you were talking about the ritual and the experience, which
Fine, I get that, but you cannot honestly tell me that the sound waves coming off a piece of plastic with grooves cut into it are superior to a lossless digital file. Look, go back and listen to that episode. I'm not going to get into this whole thing again. I never said that vinyl sounds better. It can sound different. And the circuitry that it was used by a lot of audio files to listen to music imparts a warmth that is objectively real.
So, again, I don't want to rehash this over and over and over again. But I would not say that vinyl sounds better. It does sound different and it has a character and it is real. And if people want to listen to vinyl, good for them. Otherwise, I'm not going to continue this conversation with you. All right. Do you have something else you'd like to talk about? Okay, okay, I hear you. I'll go back and listen to it again. But honestly, this is what's really bugging me. This kid, 17 years old,
like he's the next Anthony Fantano. And he's not even talking about the circuitry or the character or any of that. He's just repeating stuff he read on Reddit like it makes him some kind of audiophile expert. And everyone in the youth group is nodding along like he just revealed the secrets of the universe. All right. Well, you have a good night. I'm not talking about this again. At least not for a long, long time. If you're bothered by what kind of music the kids in the youth group are listening to, then you got to, I don't know, talk to your therapist or figure out why that matters to you.
you because it really shouldn't be such a big deal in your life. Next up, we've got Silas. Silas, welcome back to the show. What's going on at the Wellspring, buddy? Give us an update. Brother, I appreciate you having me back. So Marcus came back. He showed up three days ago with Kara, his wife. They drove in together, middle of the afternoon, and they want to rejoin the community. Okay, well, the last time we spoke, only Kara had left. She had gone somewhere and was working.
at a bank or something, and Marcus stayed behind. So I was unaware that Marcus had left your little community. But are you going to welcome them back? You're right. You're right. I misspoke. Marcus never left. Kara left after the unbinding. Went to stay with her sister in Los Cruces. Got that bank job. Well, congratulations on your returning member of the flock. How's it going over there? Well, that's the thing, brother. I want to welcome them back.
I really do. But Teresa, my wife, she pulled me aside after they showed up and she said, we need to have a serious conversation about it. And the more I think about it, something about it just doesn't sit right with her. Well, you are the leader, right? So you get to choose who stays and who goes. And if you don't want them in the community, then you can say that. But I'm not sure why. I mean, if somebody just had a change of heart and took off for a little while for a little rumspringer,
and had to find themselves and realize, well, you know, why they wanted to come back to the community, then they should be just more dedicated to the cause, I would think. You would think that, and that's exactly what I said to Teresa. But she pointed out something I hadn't really considered. Kara came back, but she didn't come back because she missed the community. Or because she found clarity out there in Los Cruces. She came back because Marcus gave her an ultimatum. He told her either she comes back.
back to the wellspring, or he's leaving with her. And he made it clear he wasn't going to leave. So Kara chose to come back to keep her marriage, not because she actually wants to be here. All right, so how are you going to handle that? You're going to let them back in, or just have you decided that they're not a good fit for your community? That's within your power to control, right? If you don't want them there, you can just say, sorry, we're full. I mean, yeah, I could do that. I'm the founder. I guide.
the community. But brother, that's not how we operate at the Wellspring. We don't turn people away. We don't have a bouncer at the gate checking credentials. So what's your question for me then, Silas? It sounds like you're in a quandary. You have to let them in because that's how you operate at the Wellspring, but you don't want to because there is an ultimatum involved. What is it that you're looking for help with here? The question is whether I'm being a hypocrite. Because Teresa said something to me.
that really landed. She said, Silas, you preach radical honesty and shedding the false self, but you're about to let someone back in who's wearing the biggest mask of all. And she's right. If Kara's here because she's afraid of losing Marcus, not because she believes in what we're doing, then she's living a lie. And the more I think about it, doesn't that poison the whole thing? Yeah, I would think that it would poison the whole thing. Or it could poison the whole thing. Or it could poison
the whole thing because if she's unhappy in your community, she's going to, you know, have friends there and spread discontent around your members. And that doesn't sound like something that you want in the Wellspring. But it's your community, right? It's not my place to tell you what you should do. I don't know that you're being a hypocrite. Maybe you could use your influence to convince Kara or to
is where she wants to be. I don't really know how all that works. That's what I've been trying to do, Luke. I sat down with her yesterday, just the two of us, and I asked her point blank. Kara, why are you here? And she looked me right in the eye and said, because Marcus is here. Not because of the current, not because of the community, not because she found something at the Wellspring that she couldn't find anywhere else. Just Marcus. And then she said something that really
shook me. What did she say that shook you? She said, Silas, I never believed in any of this. I came here because Marcus wanted to, and I stayed because he stayed. And now I'm back. Because he won't leave. And then she asked me, how many other people here are just like me, going through the motions because someone they love believes. And brother, that question has been
hours now. Because what if she's right? What if she is right? Does it matter that much? Whatever brings someone to the wellspring brings them there and they are then exposed to the current and your way of life. And if it's strong enough, you should be able to attract them as opposed to promoting to them, right? So attraction over promotion. If your message is strong enough,
extra attention, you can help her see that she does want to be there. Or, you know, maybe she doesn't want to be there. And if she doesn't want to be there, then, then, uh, then let her go. If she won't leave because Marcus won't leave, sit down and talk to Marcus and see, uh, see what his thoughts on the matter are. I did that too. I talked to Marcus this morning. And Marcus, he's all in, Luke. He told me the Wellspring saved his life that before he came here, he was drowning in materialism.
and emptiness, and now he's found purpose. He said the unbinding ceremonies have helped him shed 20 years of shame about his body, about his desires. He's a true believer. And what did he say about Kara? Did you explain to him what Kara had said to you? And maybe talk to him about what she really believes and why she's there? Yeah, I told him everything, she said. And Marcus, he just got this sad look on his face and
said, I know, Silas. I've always known. He said he can feel it during ceremonies, during shared intimacy nights, that she's just going through the motions, that she closes her eyes and waits for it to be over. Can you explain to the audience at home what is a shared intimacy night? Sure. So at the Wellspring, we believe that possessiveness and jealousy are constructs of a broken
twice a month. It's consensual. It's adults only. And basically members gather in what we call the Circle House. And there's music, low lighting, and people are free to express physical affection and intimacy with whoever they choose in that moment. It's about breaking down the walls we build around our bodies and our hearts. Okay, well, obviously you can see where somebody might not be that into that. I would say that you probably shouldn't have
care of living with you because if you're doing stuff like shared intimacy nights with somebody that doesn't really want to be there, eventually they're going to probably rightfully claim abuse and it's going to bring trouble and legal issues to the Wellspring. And I assume you don't want that. You're absolutely right, Luke. And the more I think about it, the more I realize this could be a real problem. Not just legally, morally.
Because we talk all the time about consent and radical honesty. And if Kara's been participating in things she doesn't actually want to participate in, just to keep Marcus happy, then we failed her. Well, I think here's my suggestion for you, Silas. I think that you should have a re... I'm not sure what word I'm looking for. A ceremony where people recommit to the Wellspring, where it's made clear why.
there what you're doing and give anybody that wants to leave the opportunity to voice their concerns and to leave. Because if people don't want to be there but they're doing it for their partners, that's the wrong reason. And just explain to your community that that's not what this is about and you don't want those people there. Luke, that's brilliant. A recommitment ceremony, we could call it a renewal. There we go. That's the word I was looking for. A recommitment ceremony. Yeah, have the renewal.
and give everybody the opportunity to voice their concerns with your lifestyle and see what works for everybody. But make sure that everybody's on board and everybody's 100% committed to the cause. You know what, brother? I really appreciate that. A renewal. That feels right. And you're absolutely correct that people need to be there for themselves. Not because their partner dragged them along. That's not what the Wellspring is about at all. I'm thinking we do this.
at the next full moon. All right, buddy. Good luck. Give us a call back. Let us know how the renewal all shakes out, okay? And good luck to you with Kara and Marcus. Sounds like you're doing great work down there. Next up on the caller line here, we've got Gina. Gina, welcome to the show. Happy Friday night to you. What's going on in your life? Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I'm sitting in my bathroom right now with the door locked because I just got this text from my sister.
I'm about to lose my mind. She's in Albuquerque running herself into the ground at this tech startup. Just sent me a selfie at midnight with no days off and I'm supposed to be impressed. Okay, so what's your issue here? Your sister's overworking herself with her tech startup? Maybe that's what she wants to do. She's proud of herself for working, uh, for burning the candle at both ends, as they say. I've done it myself at times, quite a few times. What's wrong with that? What's wrong is everyone back home treats her like she's some kind of hero?
while her marriage is falling apart in real time. Her husband left three weeks ago, Luke. He's staying with his brother in Los Cruces because she hasn't been home before 10 at night in six months. And my mom's on the phone with me going, well, she's building something important. You know how hard it is to start a business? I've been a dental hygienist for 12 years. Well, working as a dental hygienist is not the same as starting a business. And you can understand where somebody that's building something, maybe that's more important to her than her marriage. And that's her choice. She's her own person. And she gets to choose.
what she values. If her husband isn't okay with what she's decided to focus her life on right now, then, I mean, maybe it's time for them to split up. That's not on you. That's not your call. If she's happy, great. She's not happy, Luke. That's the thing. I was out there two months ago when she cried in my car for 40 minutes about how she doesn't know who she is anymore. She said she can't remember the last time she felt anything. Okay, well, why are you calling me instead of her then?
If she's the one that needs the advice, there's nothing I can tell you that's going to help her. Because I've tried talking to her and she shut me down. She said I wouldn't understand because I chose comfort over ambition. Those were her actual words. I just bought 10 acres outside Lordsburg with my own savings, Luke. Yeah, and there's really nothing more comfortable than 10 acres outside Lordsburg. So here's my advice for you. Give your sister our number here. It's 208.
3-9, Luke, and have her give us a call. And we'll get to the bottom of what she's doing, what she's feeling, and how she can best navigate the challenges of starting a business and being in a relationship. You're not hearing me? I don't need you to fix my sister. I need to know why I'm supposed to feel like a failure because I'm not destroying myself. I make $72,000 a year cleaning tea. Well, good for you. You don't have to feel like a failure if you don't feel like a failure.
call somebody a failure, right? Because all we have to do to not be a failure is stay alive for another day. If you stayed alive, if you got up this morning, you're not a failure. Congratulations. That's easy to say when nobody's looking at you like you settled. My boyfriend's out there yelling at his fantasy football team right now, and my sisters in Albuquerque getting divorce papers served, and somehow she's the one everyone's worried about. She's the one doing something with her life. You don't have to worry about validation from other people. No matter.
who that is, right? If you're comfortable with your life, you're doing your thing, you got your job on lockdown, you're happy with your 72 grand as a dental hygienist, and you've got your land outside Lordsburg. Everything's going well for you. Don't worry about what other people think about your life. It's not important. Let them worry about their own lives, all right? But I'm not happy, Luke. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I locked myself in my bathroom with a glass of wine because I can't stand listening to him out there one more night. I bought that land six months ago, and I haven't done a single thing with you.
because every time I think about actually building something out there, I feel like I'm just going to end up like him. Comfortable. You don't have to build anything on it. You don't have to use it at all. You can just hold it and hope that someday a Walmart comes in and raises the value. You can be a land tycoon if you want. You can be anything you want to be. So your happiness is completely decided by you. If you want to be happy, be happy. If you're not happy, change the things in your life that are making you unhappy. If you don't feel like you're moving forward in life, then make you're making you.
a change. You can get land elsewhere. You can get another job. You can be, you can, instead of being a dental hygienist, you know, work towards becoming a dentist. Anything that you want to do, you can do, but it's all on you. I don't want to be a dentist. I like what I do, and I don't want to sell the land. I want to build a house on it. I've had the plans drawn up for three years. But every time I look at them, I think about my sister saying I chose comfort and I wonder if she's right. Who cares if she's right?
What's wrong with being comfortable? You can be comfortable and also push the limits, right? You can be more than one thing. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with a little bit of comfort in your life, okay? Then why does it feel like I'm watching my life happen to someone else? I sit in that bathroom every night now. Same spot on the tub, same glass. And I listen to him out there living his little comfortable life, and I think about my sister's text with her dead eyes and that selfie, and I don't know which one of us is more pathetic. Well, you're the one called,
and complaining about your life when everything's going good in your life. So if you want to feel pathetic, you can do that. If you want to sit in the bathroom and feel sorry for yourself because you're not living up to somebody else's expectations, good on you. You know, do that. But I'm saying you can choose to be happy and you enjoy your job. You've got your land. You've got the plans for your house. Move forward with your plan and don't give a fuck about what anybody else says about it or what they're doing. You know, let other people live their own lives and you live yours. And you get to choose what a happy.
life looks like. You're right. You're absolutely right. I should just be happy with what I have and stop comparing myself to her and build my house and everything will be fine. Except I've been telling myself that for three years and I'm still sitting on the edge of this tub every Friday night while the wind rattles the window and my boyfriend yells at his phone and my sister destroys her marriage for a company that's going to replace her in six months. So clearly, something's not working, Luke. Yeah, what's not working is you're worried about three other people right now and not yourself. So you just take care of yourself.
if you don't like your boyfriend, it sounds like you don't really fucking like your boyfriend. Get rid of the boyfriend. Get a new boyfriend. Or go single and build your house and live your life the way that you want to live it without comparing yourself to other people. They're all entitled to live their lives the way they want to. And if she wants to throw away her marriage, that's her choice. It has nothing to do with you. The boyfriend can, if he wants to play fantasy football, let him do that and, you know, have him moving out. Get a new boyfriend.
I don't want a new boyfriend. I want to want this one. He's a good guy. He coaches Little League. Well, good for him. I don't know what else to tell you, but I hope it all works out for you, all right? We've got to stop now for a word from our sponsors, all right? So take a second, calm yourself down, enjoy the life that you have, and listen to these words from our sponsor. Need to pawn a TV, but also get your kids.
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businesses, one building, zero complaints that have held up in court. Open six days a week. Close Sunday because Miss Patty goes to church and Big Terrence respects that. Okay, and we are back. Next up on the caller line, we've got Charlene. Charlene, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life? How can we help you? Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I bought this double wide about eight months ago.
paid cash, beautiful property, out past the Tanke Verde, with the Rincon's right there in my backyard. And ever since I moved in, I keep getting mail for someone named David Herrera. Well, I identify with that. Every time I get my mail from my PO box, there's mail from multiple people in there that aren't me. And that's been happening for years now because the post office doesn't seem to look at the names at all, just the box number.
write the box number all the fucking time. It's super annoying. Right. Except this is not like a couple pieces here and there. This is constant. Credit card offers, bank statements, utility bills in his name. All right. Well, obviously he's not paying his bills then because he's not getting them because you are. You should talk to the post office or your mail delivery person and let them know what's going on. And hopefully they can do a forward to his real address.
Well, that's the thing. I did that. Twice. Went down there, filled out the forms, talked to three different people. They keep telling me it's handled. And then two days later, there's more David Herrera, mail in my box. Yeah, that's the same experience I've been having. I think that's just how the mail operates around here. What are you going to do? I mean, you can either just put the little flag on your mailbox up so that they take it the next time they come by, or just throw the mail out.
problem with that, he can update his mailing address. Well, tonight, a certified letter showed up. I had to sign for it. And it looks like it's got a check in it. I can see it through the envelope. Made out to David Herrera for what looks like maybe $12,000, $13,000. Well, for $12,000 or $13,000, David Herrera will probably update his mailing address. You shouldn't be signing for a certified mail for somebody else, though. I mean, obviously you could see the name on it,
Why did you sign? Because the mail carrier knows me. She's seen me every day for eight months, and she just handed it over. I didn't realize it was for him until after she drove off. Well, that was a stupid thing for you to do. You shouldn't be signing certified mail that you haven't looked at, right? That could be from a lawyer. That could be a notice of any kind of important document, right? And now you've signed for it. But who cares? It's a check you can't cash. It's not made out to you and your.
name, so you've got a blank piece of paper there. That's what I'm saying, though. This guy clearly lived at my address before I bought the place. He's getting an inheritance or settlement or something, and he has no idea it's sitting here. I've been holding onto it for three days now, trying to figure out what to do with it. Well, I can think of three things to do with it. One of it is you hold onto it and let David Herrera come looking, and when he does,
him know that it's time to update his fucking address. Second, you could just take it to the post office and say, this isn't for me, get it to the right guy and have him update his fucking address. Or third, you can just throw it out and say it's not your problem. You've tried to update the address three fucking times. Those are the three options. I looked him up, found him on Facebook in about 30 seconds. Lives over in Marana now, works at some HVAC company.
I could just drive it over there tomorrow. Hand it to him. Tell him to fix his mail situation. You could do that, but you can't be sure that's the correct David Herrera. That's not a particularly unique name. There could be more than one. He could have died. You don't know. I don't think you should do that, but, I mean, I'm not here to tell you what to do. You're right. I didn't think about that. There were actually four David Herreras in Tucson when I searched.
I just picked the one that looked about the right age and had the Havak thing because the previous owner left a bunch of tools in the shed. Yeah, I mean, I would go with one of my three options, but that's just me. You're your own person and you can do whatever you want with the mail. I'm sorry you're getting mail that doesn't belong to you. That's a pain in the ass, but there's not much I can do about that for you from here. Yeah, I know. I guess I just thought. I don't know what I thought. That there was some other options.
I wasn't seeing. It just feels weird, having someone's money sitting in my trailer and doing nothing about it, when I could probably get it to him. He probably could, but he could also probably update his fucking mailing address. And if he's not doing that, and he's got money coming to him, well, it's his own fault. That's what I say. But good luck to you and your mail carriers and David Herrera, and I hope that that situation works out, and you can go back to enjoying just your own
in your mailbox. Next up, we're going to take one more call here. We've got Skeeter on the line. Skeeter, you're going to be our last call tonight. Do you have anything going on in your life you like to talk about? Hey, Luke. Yeah, thanks for taking my call. I'm sitting here looking at my tax returns, and I just made $6,800 this month doing freelance web development, which is almost double what I was making at my city a job. And my wife keeps reminding me what my grandpa said at Sunday dinner, which is that only a fool trades a sure thing for a maybe when there's a sick kid in the house.
My daughter Mia has asthma. She's got a pulmonologist. Medications run $900 a month without insurance. And I keep trying to explain about HSA eligible plans and COBRA extensions, but I cannot get past what my grandpa said. I left the city job three months ago, and the freelance money is good. It's really good, but I'm terrified I made the wrong call. I don't know if you made the wrong call. If the money's so good, you should be able to afford your insurance, right? I mean, it's easy for me to say I don't afford my own insurance because I won't
insurance premium, but I don't have a kid that has asthma that needs. Why is asthma medication $900 a month? That seems extremely excessive. Have you looked at like the Amazon Pharmacy or Mark Cuban's company there for discount prescriptions? Yeah, I have looked at those, and it's not just one medication. It's a combination. She's on flovent, which is the inhaled corticosteroid, and then there's the rescue inhaler, and the nebulizer treatments when it gets bad. The flovent alone is like 600-something without cover.
Mark Cuban's thing helps a little bit, but not enough to make a real dent. And yeah, I can afford insurance now. I found a plan that's actually pretty comparable. The deductible is higher, but the monthly premium is reasonable. And I ran the numbers like 10 different ways. But here's the thing. My grandpa Ernesto. He worked for the city of Deming for 32 years. Yeah, well, you already left your city job. So it doesn't really matter if you made the right or the wrong decision. You have to deal with the life that you're in now. And it sounds like you've got enough money coming in and you can afford the insurance.
premiums, so that's what you should do. And this isn't a problem. You can't, you can't just stick in a job because it's comfortable forever when you have other skills and abilities that could possibly afford you life closer to what you really want. I think you probably made the right call going on on your own and taking the risk and betting on yourself. But if you've got a sick kid and you got to pay for those medications, then insurance is,
important. I hear you. I do. And I already got the insurance. I signed up two weeks ago. It kicks in April 1st. All right, then. What's your problem here? You've got a, you've left your job. Now you've got a better freelance job. You work for yourself. You've got insurance. Your kids all set. What's the issue? The issue is I cannot shake this feeling that I'm being selfish. Like, I did this for me. Not for my family. I was miserable at the city job. Yeah, but it was stable and safe. Now I'm making more
and I get to work on projects I actually care about, instead of resetting passwords for the Parks and Rec Department. But every Sunday when we go to my grandparents' house for dinner, Ernesto looks at me like I'm some kind of idiot. Well, Ernesto doesn't have to live your life. And if you hated your job, your family knew that. So a happier you is going to make for a happier family. The money's there. You're not in risk of not paying the mortgage or anything like that. So it sounds to me like you did the right thing. And it doesn't matter if you were selfish because it's your life and you're the one that has to live it.
Yeah, but what if I'm wrong about the money? Like, this month was 6,800, last month was 5,200. The month before that was 4,900. It's trending up, but it's not consistent. The city job was 2,900 every two weeks, no matter what. I could plan around that. Yep, and if things go south and you're not able to upkeep this money over the long term, then you can always get another city job. You can always go work for some IT company and reset idiots' pass.
passwords all day. It's not that hard to find an entry-levelish job in IT. So if that's what you have to do, you can do it. But for right now, what's working is working, and you just have to learn how to manage your books so that you're saving the money when you're making extra. So at the times when you're not making so much, you have some buffer. So it's an exercise in accounting. That is actually exactly what I have been doing. I set up a separate savings account. I am putting
30% of every payment into it for taxes and another 20% as buffer. I have a spreadsheet that tracks every invoice, every expense, projected income for the next three months based on current contracts. I have done the research on this. I know how freelancers are supposed to manage their finances. But Ernesto does not care about any of that. Well, Ernesto can worry about his own finances. He's not managing yours. It doesn't matter what Ernesto thinks.
Ernesto is 80 years old. He's never worked in today's workplace. And the reality of the situation is, even though it felt like your city job was super secure and you're always going to get that $2,000. At the next town meeting, they could reduce the funding and lay you off on a pin drop. Is that right? On a dime. At the tip of a hat. So there's no loyalty to you in the workplace, whether it's a city job or a corporate job or a government job.
Your best bet here is a freelance job where you can actually make things happen. You are right about that. Actually, two people got laid off from my old department in January because the city council cut the it budget by 15%. My old supervisor sent me a text about it. So the security I thought I had, it was not even real security. No, it's not. And everybody that thinks they have job security is fooling themselves because, I mean, read the news. Layoffs happen all the time, all the time, for no reason at all.
just because some, you know, CEO wants to make an extra couple billion a year. So I think you're doing the right thing. It's working out. You're managing your money correctly. Don't worry about Ernesto. He doesn't know, right? He doesn't have any clue what the current environment is like. So if he's going to give you the side eye, whatever. Fuck them. All right, ladies and gentlemen. That is the end of another look at the roost.
again tomorrow where I give real world problems real life advice.