All right, welcome back. I am Luke. I am your host of tonight's episode of Luke at the Roost. This is the call-in radio show where you can call in and ask me about what's going on in your life. I'll give you the very best advice that I can. If you'd like to give us a call, the number is 208-439-58-53. That's 208-439 Luke.
I've got a very special announcement for Wednesday. Actually, I don't know if you guys are going to care about this announcement, but I do have an announcement for Wednesday. I've been a very busy boy. And more about that later on in the week. Now it's time to get our show started. And first up on our caller line here, we've got Red. Red, welcome to the show. How can we help you tonight? Luke, I just threw a college kid out of the bar for FaceTime and his girlfriend at full volume by the pool tables,
fascist on his way out the door, a fascist for asking him to use headphones or take it outside. And you know what really gets me? Well, before we get to what gets you, I just want to let you know that you are a true patriot, sir, and we appreciate you because people that are FaceTiming in public like that are the most annoying people ever. So I salute you for standing up for America. You're a true, a true patriot, sir. What is it that gets you?
at this place for 56 years, Luke. 56 years. And I have seen every kind of drunk, every kind of troublemaker, every kind of idiot you can imagine walk through that door. But this new generation, they think the whole world is their living room. This kid's got his phone up, girlfriend on the screen, they're having a full domestic argument about whether she liked some other guy's Instagram post, and he's just broadcasting it to the entire bar like we all bought tickets to his relationship drama. I gave him three warnings.
Well, you did the right thing, and everybody else in that bar appreciates you and how you stood up for the cause, sir. You're not a fascist at all. I appreciate that, Luke, but here's the thing that's eating at me. After I tossed him, I'm back in the office cooling down, and I start thinking about it. My daughter, she's 32 now. She does the exact same thing. Last Thanksgiving, she's at my table facetiming her friends in Portland while I'm trying to carve the turkey. Well, hopefully you threw her right out of Thanksgiving dinner.
because that is unacceptable behavior. See, that's the problem, Luke. I didn't. I sat there and took it because she's my daughter and I only see her twice a year since she moved up there. Now I'm wondering if I'm a hypocrite. Well, I mean, maybe a little bit of a hypocrite, but it's your daughter and you have to make exceptions. Sometimes I understand that. Maybe a strong-worded suggestion to put the phone away would have been appropriate. What I would do in your situation is think,
Dalton do at the double deuce, right? You're a bouncer, so Dalton really is the gold standard for a bouncer etiquette. And as we all know from the double deuce, the primary rule, the golden rule in bouncing is be nice. Be nice until it's time to not be nice. Yeah, I know the speech, Luke, but here's where I'm stuck. With the college kid tonight, I was nice. All right, you were nice.
and then you escorted him out of the building because he was being a douchebag. And if he comes back and continues to be a douchebag, that's when you rip out his throat. Right. But with my daughter, I never even get to warning number one. I just sit there and simmer. And you know what the real kicker is? After I threw the kid out tonight, I called my daughter to tell her about it. Well, maybe she'll be able to read through the lines and understand that you have to throw people out when they're acting in an unacceptable way.
to have the self-awareness to look at her own behavior and potentially change it for next Thanksgiving. That's what I was hoping, Luke, but instead she goes, Dad, that's so harsh. He was probably just having a bad day. A bad day. Like that gives you the right to ruin everybody else's night. And I'm standing there in the parking lot with the wind kicking up dust everywhere, and I realize she learned this from me. Well, I mean, there's only one thing you can do, and that is the next time you're
at the Thanksgiving table with your daughter and she pulls out her phone and she's on speaker phone doing a face time. Just lift up your leg, you know, put your foot on the chair next to her and show her your boot knife. Luke, you're not hearing me. I don't want to threaten my daughter with a boot knife. What I want is to understand why I can enforce basic respect with strangers, but I let my own kid walk all over me because here's the thing that's really messing with me. After she defended the college kid, I asked her point blank, do you?
you think what you did at Thanksgiving was rude? And she said, dad, my friends are my chosen family. Yeah, well, that may be true. And you can talk to them before and after Thanksgiving dinner, but at Thanksgiving dinner put the phone away. I think that's a reasonable expectation from you. And I think there's a couple of things here. See, when you're at the bar and you have to enforce respect, you're working, right? You're at work. So you're doing your job. And that's what you're
you're supposed to do and everybody expects you to do. When you're at home, you're off the clock, so you don't have to be the enforcer at home if you don't want to be. But that's exactly backwards, Luke. When I'm at work, these people mean nothing to me. Kid with a FaceTime, I'll never see him again. Yeah, so. Good. That's the idea, right? Then you did your job well. At home, though, I mean, if it doesn't, if it bothers you, it bothers you. If it doesn't bother you, that's fine. You can do
If you want to afford your daughter the flexibility to allow her to be a pain in the ass at Thanksgiving dinner, that's your prerogative. And you can do that. In the bar, though, when somebody's doing that, you got to kick him out because he's bothering everybody. No, Luke, it does bother me. That's why I'm calling. It bothered me so much I left my own table, went outside and sat in my truck for 20 minutes while my ex-wife carved the turkey. But here's what I can't figure out.
At the bar, when someone disrespects the space, I feel righteous throwing them out. Clean conscience. Yeah, well, at the bar is your job to throw them out. That's what you do. That's your whole purpose for being there. At your home with your daughter, throwing out your kids is not necessarily your role. That doesn't mean you can't throw them out, though, if they're being a pain in the ass, and if she continues to be a pain in the ass. You're missing what I'm saying, Luke. I don't want to throw my daughter out. What I'm trying to tell you,
is that when I grabbed that college kid by the collar tonight, I felt like Anton Chigur. You know, from no country for old men, like I was this force of nature enforcing the rules of the universe, but with my daughter I feel like the opposite. No, I'm not missing what you're saying. I'm hearing exactly what you're saying, and I'm telling you how to handle it or not handle it, and I'm giving you permission to choose your own adventure here. If it's bothering you so much that you've got to leave your own Thanksgiving table,
you should say something to your daughter. And if you can't, then I don't know what to tell you. I guess go eat at McDonald's while everybody has Thanksgiving dinner. You know what, Luke? You're right. I've been making this too complicated. I can tell a drunk stranger exactly what line he crossed and why he's got to go, but I can't tell my own daughter that watching her ignore her family for her phone makes me feel like I failed as a father. And the reason I can't is because I'm scared she'll look at me the same way the college kid did tonight when I had him by the collar.
Like I'm just some old man who doesn't understand how the world works anymore. Well, sir, it doesn't matter because it's your house and it's your dinner table. So you can understand the world exactly the way you understand the world, and it's up to everybody else to abide by your rules in that setting. And if you want to let those rules be laxed, if you can deal with that, then that's fine. But if you don't want to, you're perfectly within your rights to say something and say, look, we're not going to do this at the Thanksgiving table this year.
And if you have to have a heart to heart with your daughter and let her know exactly what you just told me about feeling like you failed as a father and stuff, maybe that makes a difference. Maybe it doesn't. It depends on how much of an asshole she is. She's not an asshole, Luke. That's what kills me. She volunteers at the animal shelter. She checks in on her grandmother every week. But when I think about actually sitting her down and saying, you made me feel like I failed as a father, my stomach turns over. Yeah, well, people can be more than one.
thing. And if somebody's doing a live face time at the Thanksgiving table, they're an asshole. There's no other way to put it. So, I mean, I know she's your daughter and you love her or whatever, and that's great, but she can be a volunteer and also an asshole. They're not mutually exclusive. You're doing the thing where you make it sound simple and it pisses me off because you're right. She was being an asshole at Thanksgiving. I've thrown out a hundred people for less. But here's the difference, Luke. Well, the difference is.
you're throwing people out because it's your job to do that at the bar. And it's not your job to do that in your own household. But, you know, we're going to have to move on to another caller soon. What is it that you want to say? The difference is when I throw someone out of the bar, they leave and I never think about them again. But if I tell my daughter the truth about how she made me feel, I have to live with whatever look crosses her face when I say it. And I don't know if I can handle watching her realize her old man's just another disappointed boomer who thinks,
phones are ruining everything. That's what I called about, Luke. I wanted you to tell me I'm wrong for feeling this way, but you won't do it. Well, I don't think you're wrong for feeling this way. I think you're absolutely correct. And you may be a disappointed boomer and think phones ruin everything. And that's okay. If she looks at you with that look after you tell her the truth about how it makes you feel and she responds negatively, then she is an asshole. There's no
there's no other way to put it. If you're honest with her and you tell her, look, you make me feel like a failure when you're doing this, I wish we could just have Thanksgiving dinner and have an hour of no phones at the table. The live FaceTime thing is super annoying and it gets on my nerves. And she doesn't respond well to that, then she's a douchebag. All right. All right, Luke, I hear you. I'm going to talk to her before next Thanksgiving. Not tonight. I'm still too wound up from work.
But I'm going to do it. All right, sir. Well, you do that, and I hope you have a wonderful turkey dinner. Eight months from now at Thanksgiving. Next up on the line, we've got Bernadette. Bernadette, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life? How can we help you? Am I on? Okay, hi, Luke. Yeah. Yes, you are on. Welcome to the show. How can we help? Right. Sorry. I'm calling from the laundromat over on Route 70. And I know this is going to sound stupid, but I've been the
sitting here doing the math on what it costs me per week to have friends. And I think I just watched my entire social life collapse for like $18 in margaritas. I flew back into Tucson this afternoon. I'm a flight attendant. And I stopped at Cactus Jacks, like I always do after I land. I don't understand, and you feel like you can't have friends if you're not buying them drinks? Is that's what, is that what's going on? No, no. I mean, I walked in and my ex-girlfriend Maya was leaning
over the bar kissing Hannah. Hannah's the bartender. The bartender who used to comp my second margarita every time. And listen to me complain about passengers who clip their toenails in 12B or whatever. And I just stood there with my roller bag like an idiot and then turned around and left. It's not about buying friends drinks. It's that I have this whole spreadsheet, right? A spreadsheet of what exactly? And who cares if it's your ex-girlfriend? She can do whatever she wants and people do stuff like that at bars all the time. Could have been a dare.
They could have been a little bit drunk. Who knows? What's the whole spreadsheet business about? I budget everything. Like everything, everything, everything. $43 a week for social slash entertainment, and all of it goes to Cactus Jacks. Tuesday trivia, Thursday pool nights. That's where I see people. Okay. And what's the problem with that? That seems like a reasonable amount for a lot of extracurricular social activities. $43 a week isn't a ton.
The problem is, that was my place. And now Maya's there with Hannah, which means they're probably going to be there Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I can't just show up and pretend everything's normal. So where do I go? I don't have another $43 to build a whole new social life somewhere else. Oh, well, you just go to Cactus Jacks. That's your place. That's where you go. And if Maya wants to make out with Hannah, good for them. Like, that's none of your business, really. You don't understand. Hannah was my bartender. Like, she knew my drink. She knew my schedule.
she'd text me when good bands were playing. And Maya knows that. Yeah, well, she's still your bartender, right? She's the bartender at Cactus Jack. So when you go there, she's not going to have suddenly forgotten your drink. And she can still text you when bands are playing and stuff. And why do you need a text when a good band's playing? They have a Facebook page or whatever. You can get on the rotation there and be informed about upcoming events. Luke, I think you're missing the point. Hannah was being nice.
to me because I was a customer and she's good at her job. She wasn't actually my friend. And now I know that for sure because she's with Maya and she didn't even text me a heads up or anything. I just walked into it. You don't know that she's with Maya. She was just making out with her at the bar. Like women are apt to do at times. That's not weird. I mean, that doesn't mean anything. They were leaning into each other like they'd done it before. It wasn't some random drunk thing. And Maya had her hand on Hannah's waist in that specific way where you
you can tell it's comfortable, you know? Like muscle memory. All right, well, you got two choices. You can either grow up and deal with it, your ex-girlfriends with somebody else, and just continue to go to Cactus Jacks like you always have, or you can find a new place and keep your same $43-46 budget and move it to another bar. What's the problem here? The problem is, I don't know where else to go. I've been going to Cactus Jacks for this.
three years. I know the trivia categories. I know which pool table doesn't have the wonky felt. I know to avoid the bathroom between nine and ten because that's when the bachelorette parties show up. You can't just transplant that somewhere else and have it worked the same way. No, you can't. You go somewhere else and you learn its idiosyncrasies. I mean, this is not an issue. You're a big girl. You can go to a different bar and learn which pool table you like and when the bathrooms get blown up. Or better yet, go to a bar that doesn't have bachelorette parties. And then you're
that's a double win. Okay, but it's not just about learning a new place. It's about the fact that I budgeted for this. I have a spreadsheet, $43 a week, every week, allocated to cactus jacks. And I built my whole social life around that number, working at that specific place. If I go somewhere else, drinks might be more expensive, or they might not have dollar tacos on Tuesdays. Or trivia might have an entry fee. Yep, and you might have to change the days you go or maybe go to multiple places or update your
budget because a budget is a living document. It's a thing that changes with time and inflation. You know, I'm sure there's sometimes you give larger tips and sometimes you give smaller tips and sometimes you buy somebody to drink. It's never going to be exactly the same every time. But if you have a budget of $43 and that's what you're going to spend, find a place where that's going to get you the level of entertainment that you expect for $43. You're right. You're completely right and I hate that you're right.
I think what's really getting me is that I calculated the cost for visit of my entire social life, and it came out to like $12.70 cents. And now I'm sitting in a laundromat at two in the morning, doing math about loneliness while my shirts go around and around. That's pathetic, isn't it? Yes, to be perfectly honest with you, it is a little bit pathetic. And this is obviously not about the budget. This is about you being upset that your ex-girlfriend's making out with your bartender. But that's life, and sometimes you have to deal with uncomfortable situations.
If you can't deal with the uncomfortable situation, then go somewhere else. That's all there is to it. It has nothing to do with your budget. You're right. It doesn't. I'm hiding behind the spreadsheet because it's easier than admitting that I built my whole week around seeing Maya there and pretending I wasn't. Tuesday trivia. Thursday pool. Yeah, well, there's other fish in the sea, as they say, and you can find another girl. If Maya's been taken, you obviously didn't make your move in time. And maybe playing, uh,
trivia and pool was not the way to pick up the girl. Go to another bar. There'll be another girl. And this time make your move before somebody else does. What else would you like me to tell you? No. Maya was my girlfriend. For two years. We broke up four months ago because she said I was never around, which is true because I'm a flight attendant and I'm gone half the month. But I thought we were still figuring things out. You know? Like we were still texting sometimes. And she never said she was seeing anyone else.
Well, she's your ex-girlfriend and she's moved on, it sounds like. And maybe you could have that conversation with her and see if there's any chance of you guys getting back together. But if she's your ex-girlfriend, she's your ex-girlfriend for a reason. She told you what that reason is. It's not going to change. So in the future, she's not suddenly going to be okay with you being gone for half of the year. It's time for you to move on to somebody that's looking for maybe a less serious, committed, perpetual relationship. You're a flight attendant.
go to different bars, meet different girls. Do what you've got to do. I know. I know you're right. It's just that I kept thinking if I just stayed visible, if I kept showing up at our place when I was in town, she'd remember what we had. But instead, I got to watch her build a new life in the exact same spot where we used to sit. Yeah, that sucks, but it's time to move on because you're not what Maya wants. Maya wants somebody that's going to be around every day and you're not going to. So you can't give her what she wants.
It's time for you to move on if you can't deal with her being with somebody else. And find yourself somebody that is okay with you being gone for half the year. You're right. God, this wine was a bad idea. I just... All right, Bernadette. You get yourself to some other bar and find yourself a lovely lady. And try not to get too involved with her because you're not in a position to be that involved with somebody right now. If you're moving around that much, that's what I say.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for a word from our sponsors. I'm just going to say it. Your penis isn't working. I said it. It's out there now. The word is in the air. We're all adults. Some of us are adults whose penises work and some of us are adults who are listening very carefully right now while pretending to adjust the radio so the person in the passenger seat doesn't see their face. It's fine. It happens to, and this is the real number. Roughly half of all men over.
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And then, uh, let's talk to Rocco. Rocko's on the line. How are you tonight, sir? Am I on? Hey, Luke. Yeah, I can hear you. I'm good. I'm good. Well, no. Actually, I'm calling because I need to tell you something. I'm on my break right now at the Pizza Hut. I'm in the back office, and I got about 20 minutes before I got to get back out there. So listen, I know I called a couple days ago about Linda, my ex-wife. And you told me to pick one person and stop wasting everybody's time. Yes, I did. And then I hung up on you because you were an uninterested.
interesting radio caller and you had nothing to say. Do you have something to say this time? Or should we just move on with the hanging up part? No, no, no. Wait. I got something. I got something to say. So three hours ago, right? I'm doing a delivery over on Maple Street. And I pull up to this house. And who opens the door? Linda, my ex-wife Linda. She- We don't care. Enough of you and Linda. Stop calling. You're uninteresting. You're boring, Rocco. You're boring. Deliver your pieces and shut the fuck up.
Next we've got Shanice. Sheenice, welcome to the show. What's going on in your life? How can we help you? Hey, Luke. So I got in a fight last night in a parking lot in Lordsburg, and I started it, and now I cannot stop reading about wars on Wikipedia, and I do not know why. Jesus. That doesn't sound good. So why did you start the fight? You sound very angry. What's going on in your life? I mean, I am not angry right now. I am just sitting in a bathroom at a second.
Super 8 trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. This guy outside the bar would not leave us alone, kept running his mouth. And I just, I threw the first punch. My girlfriend jumped in. We both got our asses kicked. And now I have been up since three in the morning, reading about the defenestration of Prague and the 30 years war. And I cannot turn my brain off. Well, uh, what was he saying that guy who's so upset? It's not cool that he kicked two women's asses in a parking lot. That's not.
a very manly thing to do. But what was it that get your blood pressure pump in? He was just being a drunk asshole, honestly. Said something about my girlfriend. I do not even remember exactly what now. Just kept going and would not shut up. But here's the thing, Luke. He was walking away. He was actually leaving. And I went after him. That is what I keep thinking about. Well, uh, well, then maybe you got what you deserved. You can't just
run up and punch people, even if they're assholes. That's a little thing that we call assault. And this time, it sounds like you got assaulted back. Yeah, I know. I know. I know that. That is why I am sitting in here at four in the morning instead of sleeping. But what I cannot figure out is why I keep reading about these historical things where one person does something small, and then it explodes into decades of people killing each other. Like, some guys threw some other guys
Prague and then half of Europe was at war for 30 years. Millions dead. Oh, I think you can figure out why you're thinking along those lines. But have you heard about the two nuts in the park? What? No. What are you talking about? One was assaulted. Ha! Jesus, Luke, I am trying to have a serious conversation here. And you are making dad jokes at me. I called because I genuinely cannot figure out if I am having a serious conversation.
having some kind of breakdown or what? I started something I could not control. And now my brain will not stop connecting it to every violent thing in history. Yeah, I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. It doesn't sound good. That's not what I would like to hear from somebody. It sounds like you might be well on your path to serial killerdom. But I have to ask, when you assaulted the fine gentleman in the parking lot, were you under the hamper? Were you inebriated?
Were you shit-faced? No. I was completely sober. That is part of what is messing with me. I was stone-cold sober, made a choice, and just did it. Okay. Well, obviously you're angry. And that could be for lots of reasons. Other things going on in your life. Medication, chemical imbalances. We can't really know why you're so angry. But what I can tell you is if you continue to read violent material, it's not going to make you less angry.
You think that is what I am doing? Like feeding it? Because I keep telling myself I am trying to understand it, trying to figure out how normal people end up doing terrible things. But maybe you are right. Maybe I am just sitting here marinating in it. My girlfriend does not even know I am awake. Well, that sort of excitement, that sort of anger, can be addictive. Think about it. When you get pissed off like that and the hair stands up on the back of your neck, it's a very simple.
to feeling to cocaine, which is very, very addicting. So once you get a little taste of that, it makes sense that you would be kind of amped up and hyped for a little bit more. But if you're staying up at night feeding that impulse, it's probably not going to end well. And you're going to be ready to attack like a rabid dog. That is exactly what scares me. Because when it happened, when I threw that punch, there was the split second where
Everything got really clear and simple. Like all the noise in my head just stopped. And I have been chasing that feeling ever since, even though the actual fight was a disaster. And we both got our asses kicked. My dad taught me how to rebuild a transmission, not how to throw a punch. But that moment before it all went sideways, I felt like I knew exactly what I was supposed to do. Well, here's my advice for you. It's to channel that energy into something that's productive. So that could be either a jihitsu class or going to the gym.
hitting the punching, something of that nature, right? And then you can get that feeling in a controlled way while you're learning a skill and exercising at the same time. And that's not going to put you on the radar of the police and it's not going to ruin your relationships. And it gives you an outlet to get out that energy that is productive. So that's what I think you should do. Yeah. Okay. That actually makes sense. I mean, there is a boxing gym over.
on Bullard Street. Well, there you go. That's going to get out the energy. It's going to give you that clarity of mind while you're, uh, while you're expending the energy. And it's also going to teach you how to throw a punch. So the next time you try to fight a guy in a parking lot, you don't get your ass kicked. Jesus, Luke. Okay. Fair point. All right. Well, now, I'm glad we solved that one. Another happy customer. Next up on the roost line, we've got, uh, Donnie. Donnie, welcome to the show. What's going on in your
you. Marco made a crack about me celebrating Taco Tuesday at Applebee's two hours ago. And now my wife won't talk to me because I told him that whole thing is disrespectful. We were at her sister's birthday at Los Arcos. Whole family there. And I said, yeah. Actually, I do think it's disrespectful. And the table went dead silent. She drove herself home in her own car. I'm at the Chevron off the ten right now. And I don't even know if I should go
Well, you sound like a pretty intense individual. So if you're saying something's disrespectful in that voice of yours, it's going to come across with some weight. It is disrespectful, but it's also a joke. So why are you taking it so seriously? Because it's not just a joke when it's every single time we're together. Marko's always got something. Last month, it was asking if I shop at the white people Walmart. Month before that, he's
if I listen to country music in the truck. I don't understand. Are you a white person yourself? Why would you shop at the white person Walmart? I've only seen one Walmart ever that wasn't a white person Walmart, and it's the one in Gallup, New Mexico, that's a very Native American Walmart. But the rest of them, I would probably venture to say, are mostly white Walmarts. I'm Mexican. My dad's from Chihuahua. But I grew up here. I grew up here. I
I don't speak Spanish. And yeah, I listen to country sometimes, because that's what's on when you're driving between job sites all day. Marco thinks that makes me some kind of sellout. Like there's a right way to be Mexican, and I'm doing it wrong. Well, Marco might be a dickhead. That's all. Sometimes you got to deal with those people in your life. Does he have good qualities, too? Or is it always just pissing you off? He's good to my wife's sister. He works hard. He's got three kids, and he shows up.
for them. No, I mean, to you. I mean, are you friends with this guy? Like, do you have a rapport? Do you joke back and forth and help each other out when you need help and stuff? Like, would you consider him your friend? No. I mean, he's family. So I see him at these things. But we don't hang out. He doesn't call me. I don't call him. If his truck broke down, I'd probably go help him. But that's just what you do. I wouldn't say we're friends. All right. Well, then you'd.
you don't have to be friends. And once in a while, you've got to see him at these family events, and he's going to say something stupid. And if it's disrespectful, yeah, you're right to tell him it's disrespectful. And if everybody else has a problem with that, I mean, you shouldn't have to hide that you're repulsed by somebody's off-color comments at the dinner table. But you have to articulate that without being a dickhead yourself. I wasn't trying to be a dickhead. I just said I think the whole Taco Tuesday thing is disrespectful.
and I don't think it's funny. But the way everyone looked at me, like I just ruined the whole night. My wife's barely looked at me since. All right, explain to me the Taco Tuesday thing, because when you say it's disrespectful, I think you're, is that a Mexican thing or is that like a tacos look like vaginas thing? Because I'm confused about where the disrespect is coming from. It's the way white people treat Mexican food like it's some novelty. Like tacos are this fun little theme night at Applebee's with $2 margaritas,
and sombreros on the wall. It's my culture turned into a marketing gimmick, and Marco knows that bothers me. So he's making the joke that I probably go to Applebee's for Taco Tuesday, because I'm not Mexican enough to care. Oh, well, fuck that guy. He's an asshole, and you can go for Taco Tuesday because you like tacos. And Taco Tuesday is usually a great value. I recommend that you stop by the Road Forks gas station and see Taco Jerry.
Because if you're looking for tacos, there's really no better tacos around than Taco Jerry. I appreciate that, but that's not really the point. The point is, I can't win with this guy. If I go to Applebee's, I'm a sellout. Yeah, we've already established that he's a dickhead, and there's nothing that you can do that's going to change that. You just have to learn how to interface with him so you're not both getting on each other's nerves. But you don't have to worry about what he thinks about you if he doesn't think you're Mexican enough. You don't sound very.
Mexican. You sound like a super villain, but I mean, you're as Mexican as you want to be, man. I don't know why that bothers you. Who cares what other people think? Because it's not just him. It's the whole table going quiet, like I'm the one who made it awkward. My wife won't even talk to me. She drove herself home separately, and I've been standing out here for two hours because I don't want to go home and deal with the silent treatment. I'm the bad guy for calling out
bullshit. No, you're not. You gotta speak up when somebody's offending you and if it pisses other people off, then, I mean, have a conversation with your wife and tell her, look, the guy's a dick. He's always giving me shit about my Mexicanness and I'm sick of it and I'm not going to stand for it anymore. And if she has a problem with that, you two work it out between yourselves. See why that bothers her so much because it really shouldn't be this big of a deal. Yeah, but here's the thing. This isn't the first time.
Last Thanksgiving, I got into it with her uncle about something else. And at Christmas, her dad made some comment, and I said something back. She says, I'm always looking for a fight at these family things. And maybe she's got a point. I don't know. Maybe she does have a point. You sound like a very sensitive man, very insecure in yourself. And maybe you should talk to a therapist or do some push-ups or something, or do something to have a little bit more confidence in yourself. Because those are the time.
types of things that should roll off you. A quick joke there. I mean, maybe it's a little bit annoying, but it shouldn't have you this pissed off, and it shouldn't have you ruining all the holidays. So maybe there is something there. And if it's not the first time you've caused one of these issues and embarrassed your wife in public, then maybe she's got a point, and you should look into that. I'm not embarrassed about who I am. I work hard. I run a good crew.
I take care of my family. But yeah, maybe I do get defensive when people come at me like that. It's just, I grew up getting shit from both sides. Yeah, well, you have to be able to define what getting shit is and what getting ragged on is, right? This is a thing that dudes do to each other in general. Like, all, I don't know if women do this nearly as much as men do, but we all rag on each other. And it's not meant to cut deeply.
Just, uh, it's our way of making conversation. But there's a difference between ragging on somebody and making it about their identity. Like, you can give me shit about my truck or my haircut or whatever. But when you're making it about whether I'm Mexican enough, that's different. That cuts at something else. Well, that's you. I mean, there are other people that would be far more offended if you gave them shit about their truck. You know, if somebody's really into their truck and you give them a little bit of shit about their truck, they're going to feel sensitive about that.
Sounds like you're sensitive about a lot, though. And that probably comes from an upbringing where both sides were picking on you, and that makes perfect sense. But now you're an adult and you've got to navigate the real world with other people and understand that everything, everybody says, isn't meant to get under your skin like that. And you letting it under your skin is affecting your relationships. So maybe talk to a therapist or find some other way to regain that constant.
in your identity, because it's obviously the identity that's bothering you. You're probably right. I just don't know how to sit there and smile when somebody's taking shots at me. Even if he doesn't mean it the way I'm taking it, I can't just let it slide. And that's what gets me in trouble every time. Yeah, well, you have to learn when to let it slide and when to say something about it, but not make it a big deal. And when to make it a big deal. And those are just interpersonal skills that you,
learn over time. If you know that you're prone to to get ultra-defensive, ultra-quickly around certain topics, if those are your triggers, then you can do certain techniques to avoid that, right? You can do breathing exercises or cognitive behavioral therapy. There are many different ways that you can identify, I don't want to call it a flaw, but what you're, you know,
what triggers you to act in ways you don't want to and cut it off before it happens. And that takes effort and skill and time. But if you take that effort and learn those skills, I think you'll find that over time, you have a better, a better time in social interactions. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate that.
I think part of me knows I'm doing it while it's happening, but I can't stop myself. Yeah, man, we've all got those things, those personality defects that causes problems. And when they cause enough of a problem with our families or our friends or our jobs, then we have to take action to do something about them. So I suggest that you do. And now before we take another call, I think we're going to have to go to another word from our sponsors.
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He needs to calm the hell down. Not available in California. We cannot stress that enough. All right, and we are back. All right, next up on our caller line here, we've got Naomi. Naomi, welcome to the show. What's going on tonight? Hey, Luke, thanks for taking my call. So I got promoted to shift supervisor at the care facility where I worked three weeks ago. And now my best friend, Delia, won't even look at me.
Like tonight, I try to explain the new medication protocols during clothing, and she literally turned her back on me. Just completely shut me out. And Marcus, too. They're both missing their check-in times, making me look incompetent to the regional supervisor. And I don't know what to do because these are my people, you know? Well, I think you have to have a conversation with them and let them know that you are in a position of leadership over them and that they have to,
follow your example. I mean, it's your job now to lead them. And if they're being insubordinate or giving you a hard time about that, then maybe you have to take corrective action. And that sucks because it's your friends, right? But you have to kind of choose. If they can't accept that you've been promoted and that they are now under you, then maybe they have the wrong jobs. Yeah. I mean,
All right, I know you're right. It's just, well, shoot. Delia and I used to split cigarettes behind the building on breaks. And now, I'm the one who has to ride her up if she's late to Jekkins. And the thing is, I get why she's upset. She's been there two years longer than me. She trained me when I started. And honestly, she probably should have gotten the promotion instead of me. But she called in sick the week they were doing interviews, because her mom was in the hospital over Endemming.
Yeah, that sucks. And it's too bad for her, but it's not your fault that she wasn't there when they were doing the interviews, right? I mean, it's sad about her mom. It's sad she wasn't there. And the whole situation is a little bit messed up. But if she was a friend of yours, you should be able to have that conversation and let her know, look, I wasn't trying to do this. I wasn't trying to take this job out from under you. They just, they gave it to me. And now a minute. And if we're going to continue to work together, then we have to figure this out.
to be an asshole. You don't have to lay down the law. But you can explain to them that their behavior right now is reflecting poorly on you. And that's not fair. You're absolutely right. I need to just sit down with her and say that. The problem is I've tried twice already. And she won't even stay in the room with me. Like she'll literally find something she needs to do in another wing the second I walk in. And Marcus follows her lead on everything. So he's
doing the same thing. Well, here's what I think you should do. I think you should give it a little bit of time, develop a plan, and have those conversations with them. But before that happens, talk to your management and let them know what's going on and tell them they don't need to get involved yet. This is part of the changing of the staff. And it's to be expected to some degree. And you've got a plan for it. You're going to address it. And if it doesn't work, you're going to give it, I don't know,
before you ask for reinforcement. Oh gosh, that's actually really smart. Because right now, the regional supervisor just sees me looking like I can't handle my own staff. But if I get ahead of it and tell her I'm working on it, at least she knows I'm aware of the problem. I've got my next check-in with her on Wednesday. I could bring it up then. The thing that's killing me, though, is I drove all the way out here to my grandma Yolanda's place in Hardin.
cheat tonight because I just couldn't be in my apartment anymore. Yeah, I think that this approach is going to make your upper management respect you more because this is a problem that happens to a lot of people in management when they're promoted. It's an organizational issue and a culture issue. And if you can get in front of it, acknowledge it and develop a plan to deal with it. And that works, that's a big deal. And that's a big deal. And that's,
shows a pretty extreme level of skill, right? It shows a maturity that not a lot of people in your position can pull off. So I think do that. Look at it as an opportunity to prove your skill in management. You know what? I hadn't thought about it that way at all. I've just been sitting here eating my grandma's biscuit chitos and feeling like a complete failure. But you're right. This is actually a chance to show them.
I can handle the hard parts of the job, not just the scheduling and the protocols. Oh gosh, Luke. That actually makes me feel so much better. Yep. Anybody can learn the scheduling and the protocols. That's teachable. But when you can work with people at that level, in a management type role, that's something that is more special. It's more rare and more valuable, to be honest with you. Next up, we've got Reggie. Reggie, welcome to the
show. How can we help you? Hey, Luke. Yeah. So I just got hit with a library fine that's basically wiped out everything I saved for a security deposit. And the weird part is the librarian knew my name before I even said anything. Wait a second. A library fine? Like, what is it, 1986? How much could a library fine possibly be? How many books did you not return? Like, what's a library fine? Three dollars? No, it was one book.
field guide to desert birds. The fine was $347. Come on. No, it wasn't. $347? No way. I don't believe that. I'm looking at the receipt right now, Luke. 23 years overdue. They cap it at $15 per book, but there's processing fees, replacement costs for the addition, some kind of administrative charge. It's all itemized. Yeah, who cares? Don't pay.
that that is stupid. I already paid it. That's what I'm saying. I paid it because she said my name. The librarian, she just looked up and said, Reggie, before I even opened my mouth. And I just handed over my debit card like I was on autopilot or something. Yeah, well, you should call your bank and have them stop payment on that charge reported as fucking fraud, because that's, that's bullshit. I mean, it's not fraud, though.
I did check out the book, summer after high school. I remember doing it. And I never brought it back. Yeah, but it's not worth $347. Stop it. You know damn well it's not worth that much money. They just ripped you off hard. There's no library in the country that keeps their records for that long and is going to charge you compounding interest for the rest of your fucking life. That's stupidness.
The thing is, I know where the book's been this whole time. That's what's messing with me. It wasn't lost. I've seen it. I've had it. Well, you should take it back into that library and then smash that librarian across her face with it. Because $347 is too much money to charge somebody at a library for literally anything. That's what I have to say to you. Don't play this game. I can't take it back. I don't have it anymore.
And the librarian, she wasn't trying to rip me off or anything. No, all right. Goodbye, Reggie. Good luck to you. Paying your rent, you, you dummy. Next up we've got Alia. Alia, welcome to the show. How can we help you today? Hey, Luke. Thanks for taking my call. So my girlfriend moved out Thursday. And I am sitting here at one in the morning doing restaurant paperwork. And I just watched some guy in a BMW.
leave his shopping cart wedged against a cactus in the parking lot. And I wanted to throw something through his window, which feels insane because it is just a shopping cart. But also, I think maybe I am angrier about the shopping cart than I am about Vanessa leaving. And I do not know what that means about me. It probably means that you're hurt and in some of
of grief and anger is one of those stages and you saw something to project your anger onto, which is a shopping cart. And really, it all comes down to your hurt because your girlfriend left. Yeah. Okay. That makes sense. Except here is the thing. I am not even sure I am that hurt about Vanessa specifically. Like we have been together two years and she moved out. And I, I
should be devastated, right? Well, I don't know. I mean, two years isn't all that long and relationships aren't the end of the world. Sometimes they end and there can be devastation, but there's always some level of grief. And it might not be because you don't have Vanessa anymore. Maybe it's something internal. Like you feel like you can't uphold a relationship or whatever the details of your breakup there maybe are making you think less of yourself.
in some way. Who knows? There's a million different things it could be. But it's probably related to the breakup, since that's the most significant event that's happened in your life recently, that would make you unreasonably angry at stupid shit. You are absolutely right about that. She laughed because I work too much. Which is true. I do work too much. I am the assistant manager at this Italian place. And I have been doing like.
60-hour weeks since January because our general manager quit and they have not replaced him yet. And Vanessa kept saying I was choosing the restaurant over her. And I kept saying I am not choosing anything. I am just doing my job. But then she packed her stuff Thursday afternoon while I was at work and texted me that she was staying with her sister. And I just came home and her closet was empty.
And I thought, okay, well, I have to go back for the dinner shift anyway. Yeah, you're going to have to probably spend some time with that one and decide how much your job means to you and how much the girl means to you. And maybe it's not over yet. You don't know. But just watch yourself and don't flip out on anybody. Because if you do, they could be police involved. I could make things way, way, way worse. So go easy.
with yourself. Take some time to think and sleep and enjoy having the whole bed to yourself. That's what I say. And we're going to take one more call tonight and then we'll be done. And our last caller tonight is Chip. Chip, welcome to the show. How can we help you, sir? Luke, okay, so picture this. I'm standing in my kitchen at one in the morning, right? And I just got off the phone with my actual lawyer. Not the Guatemalan one, my lawyer, the one I pay. And he tells me the photo is real.
verified real. Okay. So you're the guy that adopted the child that was actually stolen from Guatemala, and you talk to your lawyer. The lawyer says that the photo of your daughter that you adopted with her birth mother is real. And she's holding up a sign or something like that. You described the photo for us before. What else did your lawyer say about your rights in this situation? He said legally, I'm in the clear.
Like, the adoption was done through a licensed agency. We followed every rule. We didn't know anything was shady. So nobody's coming to take her away from me or anything. But then he goes. However, morally and ethically, you might want to consider what's best for your daughter. And I'm like, what does that even mean? Best for her, how? Well, it means exactly what it says. You want to consider what's best for her. Should she be aware of her birth mother and her
situation. Should you meet up and have visitation with the birth mother? Should she have an opportunity to go live in Guatemala for a little while? How do you and your wife want to deal with that? I think that's what he means. Girlfriend. Teresa's my girlfriend. We're not married. And that's the thing, Luke. I haven't told her yet. She's at work right now. Graveyard shift at the hospital. And I'm sitting here watching our daughter's soccer uniform. Go around.
in the dryer, thinking about how I'm supposed to drop this bomb on her when she gets home at 7 in the morning. Man, you're washing that soccer uniform all the time. You've got to get some more uniforms so you don't have to do so much goddamn laundry. That's my first suggestion for you is get a couple more uniforms, so you're not always the laundromat. Next, yeah, you've got to have this conversation with your girlfriend. But you don't have to do it right away. There's no time crunch on you. And morally and ethically, what your lawyer is suggesting is just that you consider it.
and maybe you do consider it and you decide that nothing changes and you're not going to tell your daughter about her situation. You don't have to. I don't know what the right answer is there. I've never been in that situation and not many other people have. So there isn't a right answer. You have to think about your family, your life, your daughter, her personality and what you're okay with and what feels comfortable to you guys. This is a parenting decision that you have to do
Okay, but here's the thing. I ate lunch with Steve today, my co-worker. And I almost told him before I tell Teresa. Like I had it right there in my mouth at the cafeteria. And I'm thinking, what is wrong with me that I want to tell some guy I eat sandwiches with before I tell the woman I've lived for nine years? And the lawyer also said the birth mother wants to talk to me. She sent a letter through the Guatemalan lawyer. She wants to meet my daughter. Well, she can wait.
tell whoever you want to confide in. It doesn't matter who you tell first. None of that is relevant. You don't have to make any move right now. There's no legal basis pushing you to do anything. You can take your time and think it through and have these conversations in the best way possible for you. Yeah, okay. But Luke, the letter says she's been looking for eight years. Eight years. My daughter is eight years old right now. This woman has been
looking for her since the day she disappeared. And I keep thinking about that photo. The one with the crooked smile that's exactly like my daughter's smile. And I'm realizing this isn't just some bureaucratic mix-up. Yeah, well, she's been looking for eight years. She can wait another month for you to have these conversations and decide what you're comfortable with, all right? If you, if you are feeling guilty for some reason, if you feel like the right thing to do is to let the mother know right away, then have that conversation with Teresa tonight.
And stop worrying about being paralyzed by having that conversation, because that's what's holding you up. You're right, you're right. Big surprise there that I'm the one making this harder than it needs to be. It's just Teresa and I have been rocky lately anyway, like really rocky. And I feel like dropping this on her is going to be the thing that finally breaks us. She's already been talking about how exhausted she is.
see each other anymore with her schedule. Well, this is a big family decision, and she deserves to be involved in it. And if it breaks you guys up, it sounds like you're already on rocky ground. It's probably going to happen anyway. So, uh, talk to her. That's my advice for you is talk to Teresa, tell her what's going on, and then you two make the decision together about what you're comfortable with. That's all there is to it. Okay, so picture this. I tell Teresa tomorrow morning when she's a little.
She gets home, she's exhausted from a 12-hour shift. And I hit her with, hey, honey, our daughter might have been stolen from her birth mother in Guatemala. That's going to go great. But you're right. I can't keep sitting on this. The dryer just stopped and I got to get her uniform out anyway. I'll tell Teresa tomorrow, I will. Yeah, you've got to tell her. She's going to be more upset if she finds out that you held off on it for a month or sent your daughter to Guatemala without her say.
teller and deal with the fallout of that together as a family because that's what this is about. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, that is the end of our show. So tune in again tomorrow for more fantastic advice from me, Luke, at Luke at the Roost.