LUKE: All right welcome back to Luke at the roost. It is Friday, February 6th,
about 8.55 p.m. We are on the air. You can call in. The number is
208-439-5853. That's 208-439-Luke. Call in with anything that might be on your mind and we'll
try to get to the bottom of it. All right, so we're gonna go to
the phones. We already we've got the phones lighting up here. Andre, Andre, welcome to
the show. What can we help you with today?
ANDRE: Hey, thanks for taking my call so this is kind of embarrassing, but I've
been dealing with something weird lately. I keep having these really intense dreams about one
of my co-workers at the dealership. Like, super vivid stuff. And the thing is, it's
Mark. He's one of our sales managers. I've never been into guys before. At least
I didn't think I was. But fuck, I can't get him out of my head.
I've been married to my wife for six years, you know? Never questioned anything until
now. I don't know if I should just ignore it or what.
LUKE: How long has this been going on? How long have you been thinking about
your buddy Mark?
ANDRE: About three months now, started after this camping trip we took with some other
guys from work. Nothing happened. We just sat around the fire, drank some beers, talked
about life. But there was this moment when everyone else went to bed and Mark
and I stayed up late just talking. You know, about real shit. And ever since
then, I've been noticing things. The way he moves, his laugh, how he rolls up
his sleeves when he's working. Shit. Even just typing up sales reports together gets me
flustered now. I've been listening to all these relationship podcasts trying to figure this out.
But none of them really hit what I'm going through.
LUKE: Well, it sounds like what you're going through is learning that you are a
gay man and you have feelings for another man. Is he gay?
ANDRE: Whoa, hold up. I don't know if I'm ready to say I'm gay. I
mean, I still love my wife. I'm still attracted to her. But yeah, these feelings
for Mark are definitely real. And honestly, I have no fucking clue if he's gay.
He's divorced but that doesn't mean anything he's never mentioned dating anyone since I've known
him. But man, jumping straight to your gay feels like a lot. Maybe I'm by.
I don't even know if that's the right word. Shit, this is why I sell
cars instead of figuring out people's sexuality for a living.
LUKE: Hey, you know, I'm not an expert on human sexuality. But if you had
called in and said to me that you kind of had a little twinge of
sexual excitement when this guy Mark walked by, then I might say, you know, maybe
you should explore your bi tendencies. But if you're talking about a real connection that
you had that a campfire talking about real shit, as you say, that sounds a
little more on the gay side. Like, I don't know, maybe you can be both
gay and straight, but it sounds a little more than bi to me, but I'm
just a radio host, so I don't know anything about anything.
ANDRE: Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's not just some random horniness thing. There's
something deeper there. Like when we were that campfire, he was talking about his divorce
and how lonely it gets, and I just wanted to. I don't know, hold him
or something. Fuck's kids, sounds gay as hell when I say it out loud, doesn't
it? Yes. But he is what's missing with my head. I go home to my
wife, and that feels real too. Not just the sex, but the whole relationship. Now
lately, I've been catching myself thinking about Mark when I'm with her, and that makes
me feel like the world's biggest asshole.
LUKE: That's a pretty strange place to be, and I can see why you feel
conflicted about it. Have you talked to your wife about this at all?
ANDRE: Hell no, I haven't told her. How do you even start that conversation? Hey
honey, remember Mark, from work? Yeah, I might want to fuck him. Jesus. I mean,
my wife's pretty open-minded about most things, but this would blindside her completely. We were
just talking about having kids next year. I can't drop this bomb on her. Though
sometimes I think she knows something's up. I've been spacing out a lot, spending more
time at work than I need to. She probably thinks I'm having a regular affair,
which might actually be easier to explain than whatever this is.
LUKE: Well my advice is to talk to your wife about it. If it's real
feeling that you're struggling with, I mean you and your wife are a team, a
partnership, it might be a bombshell. It might be dramatic, and it might be uncomfortable.
There might be bad consequences, but regardless, if it's the truth, you should let her
know and not be keeping a secret that's going to eat you up inside forever,
because that's no way to live.
ANDRE: Deep down, I know you're right. I keep thinking about my uncle who came
out at 50, like he wasted decades trying to be something he wasn't. But fuck,
the timing, we just bought this house in Wilcox last year, got all these plans.
What if telling her just destroys everything, though I guess keeping its secret is already
destroying things, just slower and more painfully. And Mark, he's not going anywhere. We work
together every day. Yesterday he brought me coffee, just a normal thing, right? But I
nearly had a fucking breakdown in the break room over a damn cup of coffee.
LUKE: Well, I don't envy you or the position that you're in or your wife.
It sounds complicated for everybody. It might be a good idea to talk to Mark
about this and say, hey, Mark, just kind of feel it out with him and
see if this is even a thing before you bring it up with your wife.
If it were, if you, if hypothetically, you talked to your wife and your wife
was like, you know what, I don't feel threatened by that at all. I think
if you have feelings for Mark, you should pursue them on the side and I'm
completely content with that. How would you react to that?
ANDRE: Shit, just the thought of that makes my heart race. But I don't know
if I could do the on the side thing that feels like trying to have
it both ways, you know. And talking to Mark first, man, that's terrifying. What if
I'm reading this whole thing wrong? What if he's totally straight and it makes work
weird? Or worse, what if he does feel the same way? Then what? Plus, I
know a couple guys at the dealership who aren't exactly progressive. Small town, Arizona is
exactly San Francisco.
LUKE: Well, you can live your life or you can cower and fear. So you're
going to have to choose how you want the remainder of your life to go.
You can hide a secret from everybody you know and live a double life or
you could lie and cheat or you could be honest and go where your heart
tells you to. That's what I always say. Go where the heart tells you to.
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back thanks there to Shoesprayco. Now we've got Carmen. Carmen, welcome to the show. What's
eating you tonight?
CARMEN: Hey there. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, I've been listening a while. You
know? Sometimes I wonder why we do what we do, right? Like I've been teaching
kindergarten up in Silver City for six years now. Busting my ass. Doing stand-up on
weekends just to keep sane. And last week they gave the lead teacher position to
someone who's been there two years. Two fucking years. And I keep telling myself it
doesn't matter. But shit, it matters. It matters.
LUKE: Lead kindergarten teacher matters to you? Why is that?
CARMEN: It matters.
CARMEN: Yeah, you're right about that. I keep thinking about all the extra hours I
put in the weekend programs I started, the way I connect with these kids. And
it's not even about the title or the money. Though let's be real, the extra-fall
grand would help with my 67 Mustang repairs. But you know what really gets me.
The principal said, I was too creative for the role. Too creative. For kindergarten? Like
what are we doing here if not trying to light up these little minds? God,
I sound like one of those inspirational posters in the teacher's lounge right now.
LUKE: Well, I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the job that you wanted, but
lead kindergarten teacher doesn't sound like a prestigious role.
CARMEN: Hold up. Not prestigious. Look, I get that it might not sound like CEO
of whatever. But have you ever tried managing 25-5-year-olds while actually teaching them something? And
doing it well enough that their parents trust you. That you're shaping how these kids
will think about school for maybe the rest of their lives. I do stand up
at the worst dive bars in Silver City. And let me tell you, a room
full of drunk hecklers is nothing compared to a kindergarten class when the finger paint
comes out. But you're right. It's not prestigious. It's not prestigious.
LUKE: So I understand it's difficult to deal with five-year-olds. I wouldn't want to deal
with one, let alone 25. But what is it that you are actually teaching? You
know, you say you're actually teaching 25-5-year-olds something. What is that if it's not finger
paints?
CARMEN: Okay, let me break this down for you. Yesterday I taught a kid who
couldn't count to 10, how to get to 20. I helped another one figure out
why the sky looks blue. I got a shy kid who wouldn't talk to anyone
to share a story with the whole class. This isn't babysitting. We're teaching them how
to think, how to solve problems, how to be curious about the world. And yeah,
sometimes we do it through finger paint because they're five, and that's how they learn
best. But I've got a master's degree in early childhood education. And there's actual science
behind everything we do.
LUKE: Well, you know what comment for the first time, I think maybe you flipped
me on this one. I can see your point there, where you're coming from, and
I never really thought about it in that way. So you've changed the way I
think about kindergarten teachers. Congratulations, that's not easy to do.
CARMEN: Well, shit. Thanks for hearing me out. That actually means a lot. You know
what's funny? I can get up on stage at open mic night and bomb completely,
and it rolls right off. But this promotion thing, it's been eating at me because
I care so damn much. Maybe too much. Makes me wonder if I should just
focus on my stand-up instead. At least there I can turn my workplace frustrations into
material. Did a bit last week about how negotiating with a five-year-old about why we
can't equal as basically the same as dealing with drunk adults at last call. But
seriously, thanks for being open to changing your mind. That's... That is.
LUKE: Have you ever tried your stand-up on the five-year-olds?
CARMEN: Yeah. I don't know, man.
LUKE: Alright, thanks for the call. I appreciate it. I'm sorry you didn't get the
job, but you know, maybe next time, there's always the possibility. Okay, Greg. Greg is
on the line. Greg, what can we do for you?
GREG: Hey, yeah, this is Greg. Look, I don't even know why I'm calling, to
be honest. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about this thing that's
been weighing on my mind. You know? I'm 46. I manage a bar down in
road forks. And I don't know. I guess I had this dream a long time
ago that Ty kind of gave up on and just been haunting me lately, you
know?
LUKE: Did that dream possibly have something to do with you managing a bar in
road forks? You're talking about road forks in New Mexico?
GREG: Well, yeah, I guess it does, sort of. Back in the day, I had
this idea to open up my own place, you know? Not just manage someone else's
bar, but have my own thing. I was really passionate about it, had all these
plans and ideas. But then life happened, bills piled up, and I just, I don't
know, I had to let it go. Now I'm stuck behind this bar every night,
watching everyone else live out their dreams and it just hits me sometimes, you know?
Like, shit, what if I just stuck with it? Would things be different?
LUKE: In road forks in New Mexico.
GREG: Oh, shit, yeah, road forks in New Mexico. That was the place I was
going to open up my own bar back in the day. It was just this
little town, but I loved the community feel, you know? I thought I could really
make something special there. But then the rent got too high, the competition was tough,
and I just, I don't know, I lost my nerve, I guess. Ended up managing
this other place instead. And now, every time I watch those old comfort shows or
listen to those comedy podcasts, it just reminds me of that dream I had, you
know? Like, what if I had just gone for it?
LUKE: What if you just go for it now? Open up a new bar in
road forks in New Mexico. And, you know, I think you could do a pretty
decent job at beating out the competition.
GREG: You know, you're right, I probably could go for it again. I mean, hell,
I've been managing this other bar for years now. I know the business inside and
out, and road forks that place still holds a special place in my heart, you
know? It's not like I'm getting any younger either. If I'm ever gonna make my
dream a reality, now's probably the time to do it. The more I think about
it, the more I'm kicking myself for not at least trying back then. I was
so scared of failing, of not being able to make it work. But you're right,
I could give it another shot.
LUKE: You know what, Greg, just out of curiosity, I'm wondering, what is it that
you find appealing about road forks?
GREG: Well, you know, road forks has always just had this, I don't know, this
charm to it, I guess. It's a small town, but there's a real sense of
community there, you know? Everyone kind of looks out for each other. And I always
felt like I could really make my mark, you know? Like, open up this place
that would become a hub for the locals, a spot where people could come and
just, I don't know, escape the daily grind for a little while. And the town
itself, it's just got this great vibe to it. Not too big, not too small.
LUKE: Okay, well, I think we might be thinking about different road forks. But I
wish you the best of luck in starting up your bar, I think you should
do it. There's not a whole lot going on out here or a whole lot
of people to go to your bar. But, you know, if you build it, they
will come.
GREG: Ah, shit, you're right, my bad. I guess we're talking about different road forks
here. But, you know what, I appreciate you encouraging me on this. I think you're
right if I just go for it and get that bar up and running, the
people will come. It may not be the easiest road, but it's something I've always
dreamed of. And hey, sometimes you just got to take that leap. You know, life's
too short to keep playing it safe. I'm going to start looking into making this
happen again. Who knows, maybe you'll even make it out to road forks someday and
check out my place.
LUKE: Maybe I will. Maybe I will. Alright, Shonda, welcome to the show, Shonda. How
are you today?
SHONDA: Oh man, it's been a hell of a day, you know? I work in
hospital building down in Tucson. And it's just constant stress, you know? Dealing with insurance
companies, patients freaking out over their bills. It's enough to make you want to pull
your hair out sometimes, right? But that's not even the worst of it. I'm calling
because I'm really worried about my little brother. He's, uh, he's kind of going down
a dark path lately. Drinking way too much, hanging out with the wrong crowd. I
try to talk to him about it, but he just shuts down, you know?
LUKE: Well, what makes you think you know who the right and the wrong crowd
are?
SHONDA: Look, I know my brother better than anyone. I've seen him at his best
and his worst. And this crowd he's running with now, they're bad news I can
just tell.
SHONDA: They're always getting into some kind of trouble. Always looking to score the next
high, you know? And my brother, he's always been a sensitive guy, kind of naive
in a lot of ways. I'm just terrified he's going to get pulled in too
deep. That he's going to do something he can't take back. I've tried talking to
him, begging him to cut ties with these people. But he just gets defensive. Says
I don't know what I'm talking about.
LUKE: Well, it could be possible that you don't know what you're talking about. How
old is your brother?
SHONDA: Damn, you're right. I guess I don't really know everything that's going on, do
I? My brother, he's 25 now. I've just always felt so protective of him, you
know? Ever since we were kids, I've tried to look out for him. But I
guess I don't always know what's best, even if I think I do. I just
see him struggling. And it kills me, you know? I want to help him. But
maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. Maybe I need to take a step
back and really try to understand what he's going through.
LUKE: Yeah, you know, he's a 25-year-old adult and he can make his own decisions.
You can be there to support him or offer advice, preferably when it's solicited. People
don't generally respond well when you give them advice and they're not looking for it.
But all you can do is be there for him and trust him to make
the right decisions. He's a big boy and you're not his keeper.
SHONDA: You're absolutely right. I need to remember that he's an adult now and has
to make his own choices. I guess I just can't shake this big sister instinct
to protect him, you know? But you're right, constantly nagging him or trying to dictate
his life isn't going to help. I need to take a step back and just
be there for him. Offer support when he asks for it. Let him know I
care, but also trust that he can figure this out on his own. It's just
so hard watching him struggle, but you're right. I have to let him take the
lead here.
LUKE: All right, Shonda, it sounds like we figured out your problem there. Best of
luck to you and your brother. Just stay out of the way and be there
when he falls. Okay, Tamika, Tamika, you're on the line with the radio show. Thanks
for calling. How can we help you?
TAMIKA: Oh, man, where do I even start? It's been a hell of a year,
you know? I feel like I've been calling into your show every other week. Just
trying to make sense of everything. Okay, so like, you remember that guy I was
telling you about the one that got away? The one I just couldn't seem to
let go of? Well, I finally did it. I finally let him go. It wasn't
easy, let me tell you. I kept obsessing over it, replaying everything in my head.
LUKE: I talk to a lot of people, Tamika, I don't remember that at all.
I've never heard of you before in my life, but I'm glad to hear that
you've made positive steps in your life and you're moving in the right direction. Congratulations,
nice work. Ladies and gentlemen, this episode of the radio show is brought to you
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15% off. Mediocre CPAP. Not perfect. Not elegant. Just trying. Alright, we are back. Let's
go back to the phones here. We've got Frank. Frank, welcome to the show.
FRANK: Thanks for having me on, Doc. I don't know why I'm even calling, to
be honest. I saw that headline the other day. You know, the one about heart
attack warning signs. It's just been kind of weighing on my mind, you know? I'm
63. Work as a diesel mechanic down in truth or consequences. I've been ignoring some
stuff for a while, because to be honest, I'm kind of scared of what the
Doc might say. You know? But after seeing that article, I can't stop thinking about
it. What if there's something wrong, and I'm just, I don't know, not dealing with
it?
LUKE: Do you have the old health insurance? I mean, why are you not dealing
with it? You should go talk to the doctor if you're concerned that you might
have some issues. You're at that age where a heart problem is not just likely,
but, I mean, probable.
FRANK: Well, that's the thing, Doc. I've got the old health insurance, but it's just
been such a hassle, you know? I always end up putting it off. And to
be honest, I'm a little worried about what the Doc might find. I've been an
amateur astronomer for years, and I've got all these stories I could tell you about
the night sky. It's just so peaceful, you know? But this heart stuff, it's been
eating at me. I mean, I was out stargaze in the other night, and all
I could think about was that damn headline. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being
stubborn.
LUKE: Yeah, it sounds like you're being a moron. If you have health insurance, then
go to the doctor and have a checkup done and make sure that you're in
good shape. Otherwise, you're an idiot.
FRANK: Hey, now, I wouldn't go that far, Doc. I know I should probably get
checked out, but it's just not that simple. It is. With this old insurance, the
copays and the deductibles, it's a real pain in the ass. And then there's the
waiting, the tests, the whole rigmarole. Shit, I've been putting it off for years. But
you're right, I'm not getting any younger. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and
go see the Doc get it over with. I mean, I'd hate to find out
there's something seriously wrong, but at least I'd know, right?
LUKE: Hey, there's things that are preventable. If you need to take some kind of
medication, blood pressure stuff or something to keep your heart doing what it's supposed to
be doing, you need to know that now. And if you have insurance and the
ability to do that and you're not, then you're stupid. And I don't talk to
stupid people.
FRANK: All right, all right, I hear you, Doc. You're right, I shouldn't be so
stubborn about this. I guess I'm just scared, you know? I mean, I've been working
on these diesel engines for over 40 years, and I pride myself on being tough
as nails. But the thought of having some kind of heart issue, it's got me
rattled. I don't want to be weak or dependent on meds or anything like that.
But I know I need to suck it up and go get checked out. This
old body ain't getting any younger, and I'd hate to keel over working on one
of those trucks.
LUKE: Well, that's exactly what's going to happen if you have a heart issue that
you didn't get checked out. So go to the doctor and get yourself checked out.
You've really got no excuse, and you waste it our time. Renee, Renee, welcome to
the show. I hope you have something better to say than our last caller.
RENEE: Hey, thanks for taking my call. Look, I get it. This stuff isn't easy
to talk about. But I've just been feeling so alone, you know? I'm a wedding
planner in Albuquerque, and I'm surrounded by all these happy couples all day. But I
swear, I've never felt more alone. I saw this headline the other day. Ten reasons
you feel lonely, even when you're surrounded by people. And it just hit me right
in the gut.
RENEE: I mean, I love my job, but sometimes I look around and think, when
was the last time I had that? When is the last time you had that?
Honestly, it's been way too long. I mean, I'm into all this history stuff. I
do yoga. I take it all pretty seriously. But at the end of the day,
I'm just craving that human connection. You know, like, I see these headlines and think,
that's me. That's exactly how I feel. I can't even remember the last time I
fuck. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud. But I'm just so damn lonely,
even when I'm surrounded by people all day. Does that make any sense?
LUKE: Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I think we all feel that way at times.
What are you doing to combat the loneliness? Do you have friends or family to
talk to? Do you have a boyfriend? You're on the dating scene. What's your social
life look like?
RENEE: You're right. I think a lot of us struggle with feeling lonely, even when
we're surrounded by people. Honestly, my social life is kind of non-existent these days. I
mean, I've got my coworkers, but it's not the same. You know, and as for
dating, that's just been a bust. I tried the apps for a while, but it
just felt so forced and awkward. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too picky or
something. And my family, well, they're great, but they live back east. It's not like
I can just pop over for coffee whenever I'm feeling down.
LUKE: No, I understand. That's tough. And loneliness creeps up. It's good that you're not
sacrificing your values or settling for whoever's around. But it's all right to be alone.
It's all right to feel lonely. I prefer it over the company of others most
of the time. So I do understand. Unless it's being a problem. If you really
want to make connections with people, then you've got to put in the effort to
do that. And that's through joining community events or volunteering or finding a hobby that
is with other people. There's people out there that are looking for friendships and connections.
And you can find them if you put in the effort.
RENEE: You're absolutely right. I know I need to make more of an effort to
put myself out there and find those connections. It's just so easy to get stuck
in your routine, you know? But you're right. I can't just sit around feeling sorry
for myself. Maybe I'll look into some local history groups or see if there are
any yoga studios that do social events. Heck, I could probably even volunteer at some
of the weddings I plan. Just to be around people. I guess I'm just scared,
you know? Putting yourself out there is scary. But I know it's the only way
I'm going to break this cycle of loneliness. Thanks for listening.
LUKE: Oh, sorry about that, Renee. But you're welcome. I hope everything works out for
you. Sounds like you know what you need to do. So go do it. And
for our last call, we're going to take Vince. Vince, you're the last call the
night. How can we help you today?
VINCE: Hey, thanks for taking my call, man. I've been going through some real shit
lately, you know? This custody battle with my ex has been just tearing me apart.
I mean, I thought we had it all figured out. It's just this back and
forth nightmare and I can't even focus on anything else. It's like I see those
headlines about all these other celebrity divorces and I'm just sitting here thinking, yeah, that's
me too.
LUKE: Yeah, divorce is never easy. It's a tough thing. I'm sorry that you're going
through it. What's the problem? Why is this more difficult than what you expected?
VINCE: Well, I guess I just, I don't know, man. I thought we had it
all figured out, you know? We were supposed to make this transition as smooth as
possible for the kids. But now it's just turning into this ugly custody battle. My
ex is fighting me on everything. The house, the finances, even just the damn visitation
schedule. I'm a goddamn hunting guide for a living. And suddenly, I'm spending all my
time in court instead of out in the woods, you know? It's just, it's just
wearing me down, you know? I feel like I'm losing everything.
LUKE: You had divorces like that. You're losing quite a bit. You're losing the life
that you used to have. And it's going to take a little while to go
through that process and when you get on the other side of it, you're going
to have to rebuild it all back from, you know, from, not from nothing, but
from a much more basic stance. And you need to start thinking about what you
want that new life to look like.
VINCE: Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's the thing I had this whole life planned out,
you know? The job I love, the house, the family. And now it's all just
crumbling around me. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's just so damn hard, man.
I see these headlines about other people going through the same thing. And it makes
me feel a little less alone. But at the same time, I'm just like, damn,
why does it have to be this way? I keep thinking about that new life.
Like you said, but it's just so overwhelming, you know?
LUKE: I do know. I've been there myself. It's not fun. It doesn't have to
be that way, but it often is. And it is what it is. So you're
going to have to deal with it and come out on the other side. There's
not much choice that you have in the matter. You know, you're already in court.
All the proceedings are in motion. You just got to wait it out, do, you
know, put one foot in front of the other until you get to the end.
And then move on with your life.
VINCE: Yeah, man. I hear you. I guess I'm just feeling a little lost right
now, you know? Like, I'm trying to stay positive and look to the future. But
it's just so damn hard when I'm stuck in the middle of all this legal
bullshit. I keep thinking about that new life, but it's like, where the hell do
I even start? You know? I'm a hunting guy. That's all I've ever really known.
And now I'm stuck in this courtroom battle instead of being out in the woods
where I feel at home. I just, I don't know. I guess I'm just looking
for a little direction, you know?
LUKE: Well, that's the direction I can give you is to keep going to court,
fight your hardest for, you know, so you don't get screwed. Or at least so
you get screwed as little as possible. And then, and then move on. So right
now it's going to suck. That's part of the deal. And you just have to
get through it. Other people have done it. You're not the first person to get
divorced. So it's definitely a process that does work. You will get through it. And
one day, not too far from now, you'll be on the other end of it.
And you need to be ready to pick up and carry on.
VINCE: You're right, man. I guess I just got to keep my head down and
power through this bullshit, huh? It's not going to be easy, but I can't just
roll over either. I got a fight for what's mine and for what's best for
the kids, you know? It's just so damn draining dealing with all this legal crap
instead of being out in the woods where I belong. But you're right. I'm not
the first person to go through this. And I won't be the last. I just
got to take it one day at a time. Keep focused on the end game
and get ready to build that new life. Whatever that ends up looking like.
LUKE: All right there, Vince. Good luck to you. I hope everything works out. I
know it will. It always does. And you'll be back in the woods before you
know it. That's our show for tonight, folks. Thanks for tuning in. And I check
back with us tomorrow. Remember the number of you'd like to call in is 208-439-LUK-208-439-5853.
Good night.