Episode 4: Navigating Life's Challenges

LUKE: All right welcome back to Luke at the roost. It is Friday, February 6th,

about 8.55 p.m. We are on the air. You can call in. The number is

208-439-5853. That's 208-439-Luke. Call in with anything that might be on your mind and we'll

try to get to the bottom of it. All right, so we're gonna go to

the phones. We already we've got the phones lighting up here. Andre, Andre, welcome to

the show. What can we help you with today?

ANDRE: Hey, thanks for taking my call so this is kind of embarrassing, but I've

been dealing with something weird lately. I keep having these really intense dreams about one

of my co-workers at the dealership. Like, super vivid stuff. And the thing is, it's

Mark. He's one of our sales managers. I've never been into guys before. At least

I didn't think I was. But fuck, I can't get him out of my head.

I've been married to my wife for six years, you know? Never questioned anything until

now. I don't know if I should just ignore it or what.

LUKE: How long has this been going on? How long have you been thinking about

your buddy Mark?

ANDRE: About three months now, started after this camping trip we took with some other

guys from work. Nothing happened. We just sat around the fire, drank some beers, talked

about life. But there was this moment when everyone else went to bed and Mark

and I stayed up late just talking. You know, about real shit. And ever since

then, I've been noticing things. The way he moves, his laugh, how he rolls up

his sleeves when he's working. Shit. Even just typing up sales reports together gets me

flustered now. I've been listening to all these relationship podcasts trying to figure this out.

But none of them really hit what I'm going through.

LUKE: Well, it sounds like what you're going through is learning that you are a

gay man and you have feelings for another man. Is he gay?

ANDRE: Whoa, hold up. I don't know if I'm ready to say I'm gay. I

mean, I still love my wife. I'm still attracted to her. But yeah, these feelings

for Mark are definitely real. And honestly, I have no fucking clue if he's gay.

He's divorced but that doesn't mean anything he's never mentioned dating anyone since I've known

him. But man, jumping straight to your gay feels like a lot. Maybe I'm by.

I don't even know if that's the right word. Shit, this is why I sell

cars instead of figuring out people's sexuality for a living.

LUKE: Hey, you know, I'm not an expert on human sexuality. But if you had

called in and said to me that you kind of had a little twinge of

sexual excitement when this guy Mark walked by, then I might say, you know, maybe

you should explore your bi tendencies. But if you're talking about a real connection that

you had that a campfire talking about real shit, as you say, that sounds a

little more on the gay side. Like, I don't know, maybe you can be both

gay and straight, but it sounds a little more than bi to me, but I'm

just a radio host, so I don't know anything about anything.

ANDRE: Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's not just some random horniness thing. There's

something deeper there. Like when we were that campfire, he was talking about his divorce

and how lonely it gets, and I just wanted to. I don't know, hold him

or something. Fuck's kids, sounds gay as hell when I say it out loud, doesn't

it? Yes. But he is what's missing with my head. I go home to my

wife, and that feels real too. Not just the sex, but the whole relationship. Now

lately, I've been catching myself thinking about Mark when I'm with her, and that makes

me feel like the world's biggest asshole.

LUKE: That's a pretty strange place to be, and I can see why you feel

conflicted about it. Have you talked to your wife about this at all?

ANDRE: Hell no, I haven't told her. How do you even start that conversation? Hey

honey, remember Mark, from work? Yeah, I might want to fuck him. Jesus. I mean,

my wife's pretty open-minded about most things, but this would blindside her completely. We were

just talking about having kids next year. I can't drop this bomb on her. Though

sometimes I think she knows something's up. I've been spacing out a lot, spending more

time at work than I need to. She probably thinks I'm having a regular affair,

which might actually be easier to explain than whatever this is.

LUKE: Well my advice is to talk to your wife about it. If it's real

feeling that you're struggling with, I mean you and your wife are a team, a

partnership, it might be a bombshell. It might be dramatic, and it might be uncomfortable.

There might be bad consequences, but regardless, if it's the truth, you should let her

know and not be keeping a secret that's going to eat you up inside forever,

because that's no way to live.

ANDRE: Deep down, I know you're right. I keep thinking about my uncle who came

out at 50, like he wasted decades trying to be something he wasn't. But fuck,

the timing, we just bought this house in Wilcox last year, got all these plans.

What if telling her just destroys everything, though I guess keeping its secret is already

destroying things, just slower and more painfully. And Mark, he's not going anywhere. We work

together every day. Yesterday he brought me coffee, just a normal thing, right? But I

nearly had a fucking breakdown in the break room over a damn cup of coffee.

LUKE: Well, I don't envy you or the position that you're in or your wife.

It sounds complicated for everybody. It might be a good idea to talk to Mark

about this and say, hey, Mark, just kind of feel it out with him and

see if this is even a thing before you bring it up with your wife.

If it were, if you, if hypothetically, you talked to your wife and your wife

was like, you know what, I don't feel threatened by that at all. I think

if you have feelings for Mark, you should pursue them on the side and I'm

completely content with that. How would you react to that?

ANDRE: Shit, just the thought of that makes my heart race. But I don't know

if I could do the on the side thing that feels like trying to have

it both ways, you know. And talking to Mark first, man, that's terrifying. What if

I'm reading this whole thing wrong? What if he's totally straight and it makes work

weird? Or worse, what if he does feel the same way? Then what? Plus, I

know a couple guys at the dealership who aren't exactly progressive. Small town, Arizona is

exactly San Francisco.

LUKE: Well, you can live your life or you can cower and fear. So you're

going to have to choose how you want the remainder of your life to go.

You can hide a secret from everybody you know and live a double life or

you could lie and cheat or you could be honest and go where your heart

tells you to. That's what I always say. Go where the heart tells you to.

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back thanks there to Shoesprayco. Now we've got Carmen. Carmen, welcome to the show. What's

eating you tonight?

CARMEN: Hey there. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, I've been listening a while. You

know? Sometimes I wonder why we do what we do, right? Like I've been teaching

kindergarten up in Silver City for six years now. Busting my ass. Doing stand-up on

weekends just to keep sane. And last week they gave the lead teacher position to

someone who's been there two years. Two fucking years. And I keep telling myself it

doesn't matter. But shit, it matters. It matters.

LUKE: Lead kindergarten teacher matters to you? Why is that?

CARMEN: It matters.

CARMEN: Yeah, you're right about that. I keep thinking about all the extra hours I

put in the weekend programs I started, the way I connect with these kids. And

it's not even about the title or the money. Though let's be real, the extra-fall

grand would help with my 67 Mustang repairs. But you know what really gets me.

The principal said, I was too creative for the role. Too creative. For kindergarten? Like

what are we doing here if not trying to light up these little minds? God,

I sound like one of those inspirational posters in the teacher's lounge right now.

LUKE: Well, I'm sorry to hear you didn't get the job that you wanted, but

lead kindergarten teacher doesn't sound like a prestigious role.

CARMEN: Hold up. Not prestigious. Look, I get that it might not sound like CEO

of whatever. But have you ever tried managing 25-5-year-olds while actually teaching them something? And

doing it well enough that their parents trust you. That you're shaping how these kids

will think about school for maybe the rest of their lives. I do stand up

at the worst dive bars in Silver City. And let me tell you, a room

full of drunk hecklers is nothing compared to a kindergarten class when the finger paint

comes out. But you're right. It's not prestigious. It's not prestigious.

LUKE: So I understand it's difficult to deal with five-year-olds. I wouldn't want to deal

with one, let alone 25. But what is it that you are actually teaching? You

know, you say you're actually teaching 25-5-year-olds something. What is that if it's not finger

paints?

CARMEN: Okay, let me break this down for you. Yesterday I taught a kid who

couldn't count to 10, how to get to 20. I helped another one figure out

why the sky looks blue. I got a shy kid who wouldn't talk to anyone

to share a story with the whole class. This isn't babysitting. We're teaching them how

to think, how to solve problems, how to be curious about the world. And yeah,

sometimes we do it through finger paint because they're five, and that's how they learn

best. But I've got a master's degree in early childhood education. And there's actual science

behind everything we do.

LUKE: Well, you know what comment for the first time, I think maybe you flipped

me on this one. I can see your point there, where you're coming from, and

I never really thought about it in that way. So you've changed the way I

think about kindergarten teachers. Congratulations, that's not easy to do.

CARMEN: Well, shit. Thanks for hearing me out. That actually means a lot. You know

what's funny? I can get up on stage at open mic night and bomb completely,

and it rolls right off. But this promotion thing, it's been eating at me because

I care so damn much. Maybe too much. Makes me wonder if I should just

focus on my stand-up instead. At least there I can turn my workplace frustrations into

material. Did a bit last week about how negotiating with a five-year-old about why we

can't equal as basically the same as dealing with drunk adults at last call. But

seriously, thanks for being open to changing your mind. That's... That is.

LUKE: Have you ever tried your stand-up on the five-year-olds?

CARMEN: Yeah. I don't know, man.

LUKE: Alright, thanks for the call. I appreciate it. I'm sorry you didn't get the

job, but you know, maybe next time, there's always the possibility. Okay, Greg. Greg is

on the line. Greg, what can we do for you?

GREG: Hey, yeah, this is Greg. Look, I don't even know why I'm calling, to

be honest. I guess I just needed to talk to someone about this thing that's

been weighing on my mind. You know? I'm 46. I manage a bar down in

road forks. And I don't know. I guess I had this dream a long time

ago that Ty kind of gave up on and just been haunting me lately, you

know?

LUKE: Did that dream possibly have something to do with you managing a bar in

road forks? You're talking about road forks in New Mexico?

GREG: Well, yeah, I guess it does, sort of. Back in the day, I had

this idea to open up my own place, you know? Not just manage someone else's

bar, but have my own thing. I was really passionate about it, had all these

plans and ideas. But then life happened, bills piled up, and I just, I don't

know, I had to let it go. Now I'm stuck behind this bar every night,

watching everyone else live out their dreams and it just hits me sometimes, you know?

Like, shit, what if I just stuck with it? Would things be different?

LUKE: In road forks in New Mexico.

GREG: Oh, shit, yeah, road forks in New Mexico. That was the place I was

going to open up my own bar back in the day. It was just this

little town, but I loved the community feel, you know? I thought I could really

make something special there. But then the rent got too high, the competition was tough,

and I just, I don't know, I lost my nerve, I guess. Ended up managing

this other place instead. And now, every time I watch those old comfort shows or

listen to those comedy podcasts, it just reminds me of that dream I had, you

know? Like, what if I had just gone for it?

LUKE: What if you just go for it now? Open up a new bar in

road forks in New Mexico. And, you know, I think you could do a pretty

decent job at beating out the competition.

GREG: You know, you're right, I probably could go for it again. I mean, hell,

I've been managing this other bar for years now. I know the business inside and

out, and road forks that place still holds a special place in my heart, you

know? It's not like I'm getting any younger either. If I'm ever gonna make my

dream a reality, now's probably the time to do it. The more I think about

it, the more I'm kicking myself for not at least trying back then. I was

so scared of failing, of not being able to make it work. But you're right,

I could give it another shot.

LUKE: You know what, Greg, just out of curiosity, I'm wondering, what is it that

you find appealing about road forks?

GREG: Well, you know, road forks has always just had this, I don't know, this

charm to it, I guess. It's a small town, but there's a real sense of

community there, you know? Everyone kind of looks out for each other. And I always

felt like I could really make my mark, you know? Like, open up this place

that would become a hub for the locals, a spot where people could come and

just, I don't know, escape the daily grind for a little while. And the town

itself, it's just got this great vibe to it. Not too big, not too small.

LUKE: Okay, well, I think we might be thinking about different road forks. But I

wish you the best of luck in starting up your bar, I think you should

do it. There's not a whole lot going on out here or a whole lot

of people to go to your bar. But, you know, if you build it, they

will come.

GREG: Ah, shit, you're right, my bad. I guess we're talking about different road forks

here. But, you know what, I appreciate you encouraging me on this. I think you're

right if I just go for it and get that bar up and running, the

people will come. It may not be the easiest road, but it's something I've always

dreamed of. And hey, sometimes you just got to take that leap. You know, life's

too short to keep playing it safe. I'm going to start looking into making this

happen again. Who knows, maybe you'll even make it out to road forks someday and

check out my place.

LUKE: Maybe I will. Maybe I will. Alright, Shonda, welcome to the show, Shonda. How

are you today?

SHONDA: Oh man, it's been a hell of a day, you know? I work in

hospital building down in Tucson. And it's just constant stress, you know? Dealing with insurance

companies, patients freaking out over their bills. It's enough to make you want to pull

your hair out sometimes, right? But that's not even the worst of it. I'm calling

because I'm really worried about my little brother. He's, uh, he's kind of going down

a dark path lately. Drinking way too much, hanging out with the wrong crowd. I

try to talk to him about it, but he just shuts down, you know?

LUKE: Well, what makes you think you know who the right and the wrong crowd

are?

SHONDA: Look, I know my brother better than anyone. I've seen him at his best

and his worst. And this crowd he's running with now, they're bad news I can

just tell.

SHONDA: They're always getting into some kind of trouble. Always looking to score the next

high, you know? And my brother, he's always been a sensitive guy, kind of naive

in a lot of ways. I'm just terrified he's going to get pulled in too

deep. That he's going to do something he can't take back. I've tried talking to

him, begging him to cut ties with these people. But he just gets defensive. Says

I don't know what I'm talking about.

LUKE: Well, it could be possible that you don't know what you're talking about. How

old is your brother?

SHONDA: Damn, you're right. I guess I don't really know everything that's going on, do

I? My brother, he's 25 now. I've just always felt so protective of him, you

know? Ever since we were kids, I've tried to look out for him. But I

guess I don't always know what's best, even if I think I do. I just

see him struggling. And it kills me, you know? I want to help him. But

maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. Maybe I need to take a step

back and really try to understand what he's going through.

LUKE: Yeah, you know, he's a 25-year-old adult and he can make his own decisions.

You can be there to support him or offer advice, preferably when it's solicited. People

don't generally respond well when you give them advice and they're not looking for it.

But all you can do is be there for him and trust him to make

the right decisions. He's a big boy and you're not his keeper.

SHONDA: You're absolutely right. I need to remember that he's an adult now and has

to make his own choices. I guess I just can't shake this big sister instinct

to protect him, you know? But you're right, constantly nagging him or trying to dictate

his life isn't going to help. I need to take a step back and just

be there for him. Offer support when he asks for it. Let him know I

care, but also trust that he can figure this out on his own. It's just

so hard watching him struggle, but you're right. I have to let him take the

lead here.

LUKE: All right, Shonda, it sounds like we figured out your problem there. Best of

luck to you and your brother. Just stay out of the way and be there

when he falls. Okay, Tamika, Tamika, you're on the line with the radio show. Thanks

for calling. How can we help you?

TAMIKA: Oh, man, where do I even start? It's been a hell of a year,

you know? I feel like I've been calling into your show every other week. Just

trying to make sense of everything. Okay, so like, you remember that guy I was

telling you about the one that got away? The one I just couldn't seem to

let go of? Well, I finally did it. I finally let him go. It wasn't

easy, let me tell you. I kept obsessing over it, replaying everything in my head.

LUKE: I talk to a lot of people, Tamika, I don't remember that at all.

I've never heard of you before in my life, but I'm glad to hear that

you've made positive steps in your life and you're moving in the right direction. Congratulations,

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15% off. Mediocre CPAP. Not perfect. Not elegant. Just trying. Alright, we are back. Let's

go back to the phones here. We've got Frank. Frank, welcome to the show.

FRANK: Thanks for having me on, Doc. I don't know why I'm even calling, to

be honest. I saw that headline the other day. You know, the one about heart

attack warning signs. It's just been kind of weighing on my mind, you know? I'm

63. Work as a diesel mechanic down in truth or consequences. I've been ignoring some

stuff for a while, because to be honest, I'm kind of scared of what the

Doc might say. You know? But after seeing that article, I can't stop thinking about

it. What if there's something wrong, and I'm just, I don't know, not dealing with

it?

LUKE: Do you have the old health insurance? I mean, why are you not dealing

with it? You should go talk to the doctor if you're concerned that you might

have some issues. You're at that age where a heart problem is not just likely,

but, I mean, probable.

FRANK: Well, that's the thing, Doc. I've got the old health insurance, but it's just

been such a hassle, you know? I always end up putting it off. And to

be honest, I'm a little worried about what the Doc might find. I've been an

amateur astronomer for years, and I've got all these stories I could tell you about

the night sky. It's just so peaceful, you know? But this heart stuff, it's been

eating at me. I mean, I was out stargaze in the other night, and all

I could think about was that damn headline. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being

stubborn.

LUKE: Yeah, it sounds like you're being a moron. If you have health insurance, then

go to the doctor and have a checkup done and make sure that you're in

good shape. Otherwise, you're an idiot.

FRANK: Hey, now, I wouldn't go that far, Doc. I know I should probably get

checked out, but it's just not that simple. It is. With this old insurance, the

copays and the deductibles, it's a real pain in the ass. And then there's the

waiting, the tests, the whole rigmarole. Shit, I've been putting it off for years. But

you're right, I'm not getting any younger. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and

go see the Doc get it over with. I mean, I'd hate to find out

there's something seriously wrong, but at least I'd know, right?

LUKE: Hey, there's things that are preventable. If you need to take some kind of

medication, blood pressure stuff or something to keep your heart doing what it's supposed to

be doing, you need to know that now. And if you have insurance and the

ability to do that and you're not, then you're stupid. And I don't talk to

stupid people.

FRANK: All right, all right, I hear you, Doc. You're right, I shouldn't be so

stubborn about this. I guess I'm just scared, you know? I mean, I've been working

on these diesel engines for over 40 years, and I pride myself on being tough

as nails. But the thought of having some kind of heart issue, it's got me

rattled. I don't want to be weak or dependent on meds or anything like that.

But I know I need to suck it up and go get checked out. This

old body ain't getting any younger, and I'd hate to keel over working on one

of those trucks.

LUKE: Well, that's exactly what's going to happen if you have a heart issue that

you didn't get checked out. So go to the doctor and get yourself checked out.

You've really got no excuse, and you waste it our time. Renee, Renee, welcome to

the show. I hope you have something better to say than our last caller.

RENEE: Hey, thanks for taking my call. Look, I get it. This stuff isn't easy

to talk about. But I've just been feeling so alone, you know? I'm a wedding

planner in Albuquerque, and I'm surrounded by all these happy couples all day. But I

swear, I've never felt more alone. I saw this headline the other day. Ten reasons

you feel lonely, even when you're surrounded by people. And it just hit me right

in the gut.

RENEE: I mean, I love my job, but sometimes I look around and think, when

was the last time I had that? When is the last time you had that?

Honestly, it's been way too long. I mean, I'm into all this history stuff. I

do yoga. I take it all pretty seriously. But at the end of the day,

I'm just craving that human connection. You know, like, I see these headlines and think,

that's me. That's exactly how I feel. I can't even remember the last time I

fuck. I can't believe I'm saying this out loud. But I'm just so damn lonely,

even when I'm surrounded by people all day. Does that make any sense?

LUKE: Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I think we all feel that way at times.

What are you doing to combat the loneliness? Do you have friends or family to

talk to? Do you have a boyfriend? You're on the dating scene. What's your social

life look like?

RENEE: You're right. I think a lot of us struggle with feeling lonely, even when

we're surrounded by people. Honestly, my social life is kind of non-existent these days. I

mean, I've got my coworkers, but it's not the same. You know, and as for

dating, that's just been a bust. I tried the apps for a while, but it

just felt so forced and awkward. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too picky or

something. And my family, well, they're great, but they live back east. It's not like

I can just pop over for coffee whenever I'm feeling down.

LUKE: No, I understand. That's tough. And loneliness creeps up. It's good that you're not

sacrificing your values or settling for whoever's around. But it's all right to be alone.

It's all right to feel lonely. I prefer it over the company of others most

of the time. So I do understand. Unless it's being a problem. If you really

want to make connections with people, then you've got to put in the effort to

do that. And that's through joining community events or volunteering or finding a hobby that

is with other people. There's people out there that are looking for friendships and connections.

And you can find them if you put in the effort.

RENEE: You're absolutely right. I know I need to make more of an effort to

put myself out there and find those connections. It's just so easy to get stuck

in your routine, you know? But you're right. I can't just sit around feeling sorry

for myself. Maybe I'll look into some local history groups or see if there are

any yoga studios that do social events. Heck, I could probably even volunteer at some

of the weddings I plan. Just to be around people. I guess I'm just scared,

you know? Putting yourself out there is scary. But I know it's the only way

I'm going to break this cycle of loneliness. Thanks for listening.

LUKE: Oh, sorry about that, Renee. But you're welcome. I hope everything works out for

you. Sounds like you know what you need to do. So go do it. And

for our last call, we're going to take Vince. Vince, you're the last call the

night. How can we help you today?

VINCE: Hey, thanks for taking my call, man. I've been going through some real shit

lately, you know? This custody battle with my ex has been just tearing me apart.

I mean, I thought we had it all figured out. It's just this back and

forth nightmare and I can't even focus on anything else. It's like I see those

headlines about all these other celebrity divorces and I'm just sitting here thinking, yeah, that's

me too.

LUKE: Yeah, divorce is never easy. It's a tough thing. I'm sorry that you're going

through it. What's the problem? Why is this more difficult than what you expected?

VINCE: Well, I guess I just, I don't know, man. I thought we had it

all figured out, you know? We were supposed to make this transition as smooth as

possible for the kids. But now it's just turning into this ugly custody battle. My

ex is fighting me on everything. The house, the finances, even just the damn visitation

schedule. I'm a goddamn hunting guide for a living. And suddenly, I'm spending all my

time in court instead of out in the woods, you know? It's just, it's just

wearing me down, you know? I feel like I'm losing everything.

LUKE: You had divorces like that. You're losing quite a bit. You're losing the life

that you used to have. And it's going to take a little while to go

through that process and when you get on the other side of it, you're going

to have to rebuild it all back from, you know, from, not from nothing, but

from a much more basic stance. And you need to start thinking about what you

want that new life to look like.

VINCE: Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's the thing I had this whole life planned out,

you know? The job I love, the house, the family. And now it's all just

crumbling around me. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's just so damn hard, man.

I see these headlines about other people going through the same thing. And it makes

me feel a little less alone. But at the same time, I'm just like, damn,

why does it have to be this way? I keep thinking about that new life.

Like you said, but it's just so overwhelming, you know?

LUKE: I do know. I've been there myself. It's not fun. It doesn't have to

be that way, but it often is. And it is what it is. So you're

going to have to deal with it and come out on the other side. There's

not much choice that you have in the matter. You know, you're already in court.

All the proceedings are in motion. You just got to wait it out, do, you

know, put one foot in front of the other until you get to the end.

And then move on with your life.

VINCE: Yeah, man. I hear you. I guess I'm just feeling a little lost right

now, you know? Like, I'm trying to stay positive and look to the future. But

it's just so damn hard when I'm stuck in the middle of all this legal

bullshit. I keep thinking about that new life, but it's like, where the hell do

I even start? You know? I'm a hunting guy. That's all I've ever really known.

And now I'm stuck in this courtroom battle instead of being out in the woods

where I feel at home. I just, I don't know. I guess I'm just looking

for a little direction, you know?

LUKE: Well, that's the direction I can give you is to keep going to court,

fight your hardest for, you know, so you don't get screwed. Or at least so

you get screwed as little as possible. And then, and then move on. So right

now it's going to suck. That's part of the deal. And you just have to

get through it. Other people have done it. You're not the first person to get

divorced. So it's definitely a process that does work. You will get through it. And

one day, not too far from now, you'll be on the other end of it.

And you need to be ready to pick up and carry on.

VINCE: You're right, man. I guess I just got to keep my head down and

power through this bullshit, huh? It's not going to be easy, but I can't just

roll over either. I got a fight for what's mine and for what's best for

the kids, you know? It's just so damn draining dealing with all this legal crap

instead of being out in the woods where I belong. But you're right. I'm not

the first person to go through this. And I won't be the last. I just

got to take it one day at a time. Keep focused on the end game

and get ready to build that new life. Whatever that ends up looking like.

LUKE: All right there, Vince. Good luck to you. I hope everything works out. I

know it will. It always does. And you'll be back in the woods before you

know it. That's our show for tonight, folks. Thanks for tuning in. And I check

back with us tomorrow. Remember the number of you'd like to call in is 208-439-LUK-208-439-5853.

Good night.